[ despite how much touching they've done this week, he's still startled by the hug. he wishes he wasn't surprised. hugging had been so very natural before for them.
there are so many things he wants though. he wants god dead. he wants humans gone. he wants to leave hell. but with all of these things, he will lose akira in the process of achieving it. and the thing is, ryo knows that if he really has to, he can kill akira. except he would also regret it for the rest of his life.
he thinks of the memory he saw of akira's, of when he died. of ryo's own voice talking, and growing fainter and fainter as akira's conscious faded away. ryo knows how that other him reacted. he didn't really understand before, but he does now. ]
I want you. [ ... ] But I know that's not what you want.
[ and it kills him, to feel something so intensely only for it to be unrequited.
for it to not be the right kind of love, because ryo can never be someone normal and good and kind. ]
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there are so many things he wants though. he wants god dead. he wants humans gone. he wants to leave hell. but with all of these things, he will lose akira in the process of achieving it. and the thing is, ryo knows that if he really has to, he can kill akira. except he would also regret it for the rest of his life.
he thinks of the memory he saw of akira's, of when he died. of ryo's own voice talking, and growing fainter and fainter as akira's conscious faded away. ryo knows how that other him reacted. he didn't really understand before, but he does now. ]
I want you. [ ... ] But I know that's not what you want.
[ and it kills him, to feel something so intensely only for it to be unrequited.
for it to not be the right kind of love, because ryo can never be someone normal and good and kind. ]