He wraps both arms around Ryo's shoulders, cradling Ryo against himself. He holds him, angry at how things unfolded, at the way they had become, at himself, at whatever fate has kept him from helping someone who needed the most help out of anyone.
His fingers card through the back of Ryo's hair; he doesn't know if Ryo understands comfort, but he thinks Ryo does somewhere deep down.]
...I'm gonna save you this time, Ryo. I'm gonna do what I can to save you.
[ he doesn't say anything for a long moment. when he does speak, he tries to keep his voice as even as he can. ]
You don't have to do anything for me. Don't worry about me.
[ he knows that this is probably an impossible ask-- maybe. ryo isn't sure anymore, considering just a few weeks ago he was so very confident that they'd always be together. ]
You can be open about your relationship. I don't care. None of that matters anymore.
I told you not to tell me what to do. I'm doing it if I can. You're still my friend. You can give up one me if you want. But I'm not giving up on you.
[He frowns, resting his forehead down on Ryo's shoulder.]
There's no relationship. I don't know what the future will be. I might even have to go back. I want them to go home. They might have to go alone.
If I went with them and you could go, would you hurt the humans?
[He doesn't know if Ryo would even take this kind of offer, much less if the twins would allow it, or if it would ruin their world too. It might. But he's just curious what Ryo will say.]
I'm never going to care for humanity. [ he wants to make that clear, before saying anything else. ] But if God or demons aren't there, there's not much point.
[ in any case, he's pretty sure that humanity will eventually destroy themselves on their own anyway. in his eyes, all ryo did was speed things up. ]
And I've spent enough time here to know that I can at least tolerate them.
[ ryo would not call anyone else here a friend but
[He understands Ryo probably won't ever really like humans. He's not sure why. Well--he knows, logically, why. He isn't sure why Ryo can't change since Ryo has always liked him and his company.
he realizes, after a few seconds, just saying that doesn't explain anything, so he reluctantly continues. ]
It's not you though. Every version of you will always be important to me, and I'll love you. But you're the only you that I've spent these weeks with. You're the one who could have killed me every Thursday, but didn't. You're the one I was intimate with. You're the one who made me realize what this feeling was. I will never have that with any other Akira.
You don't know that. You might. [Not the Thursday thing, but maybe it applies to Akira not wanting to kill Ryo back home.] If you tell and show that Akira sooner.
[Wryly:]
...And here I thought all along I was just the replacement for a better Akira for you.
It was never about replacing you. I was just hoping I could do for one that I couldn't do for you.
[ the other akira isn't dead. and maybe, if ryo doesn't go back, he doesn't have to die. no matter what, the world has changed and there will be countless deaths, but there might be a chance now that akira and miki won't have to die. ryo wouldn't be there to betray him and set that in motion. and without ryo there, god would likely just deal with the demons without much opposition.
... the thought still leaves an ache in him. it's not really how he wants to leave it, but in theory, it's probably the best path. it's difficult to figure out how ryo would return to that world without it going badly at some point, even if he went early enough. the problem with your main enemy being all knowing is that, well. they're all knowing. ]
[His face pinches with the hurt. He really wants to say a lot of convince, optimistic stuff to Ryo, but he knows it likely won't reach him any more than the other times he's tried to reach Ryo.
For a long few moments, he's quiet.]
Next week... Do you want to hang out? [He's not sure what else to do. What would make Ryo feel better (nothing).] You... don't have to if you don't want to see me anymore until the party.
[ it's both true and not true. there are plenty of times where ryo would prefer not to run into akira, and would go out of his way to avoid him, but unless he is very specifically doing something that he doesn't want akira there for, he wouldn't really try to send akira away. it's why he still agreed to curfew with him even though the week before had been a fairly horrible experience.
it's basically what happens when you love someone enough that you'll still sit next to them even when you're filled with rage over something that they did. ]
[(will u still love me???) (if what) (no thaT WAS THE QUESTION!!!)
This is about as much as he thinks he can ask for right now. It feels like he's running after the wind which has scattered pieces of a bigger paper he's trying desperately to pick up.]
[ you know how ryo kept perking up at the stupidest gay bullshit before? this is kind of like that. it's a mix of being homosexual but also just having such a strong fondness of when they were kids that the idea of taking pictures works too well on him. ]
He lifts his hand to rub his thumb one last time under one of Ryo's eyes, gently because of the bruising. Okay, gay, no more crying. It's weird. He's supposed to be the crier here.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He wraps both arms around Ryo's shoulders, cradling Ryo against himself. He holds him, angry at how things unfolded, at the way they had become, at himself, at whatever fate has kept him from helping someone who needed the most help out of anyone.
His fingers card through the back of Ryo's hair; he doesn't know if Ryo understands comfort, but he thinks Ryo does somewhere deep down.]
...I'm gonna save you this time, Ryo. I'm gonna do what I can to save you.
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You don't have to do anything for me. Don't worry about me.
[ he knows that this is probably an impossible ask-- maybe. ryo isn't sure anymore, considering just a few weeks ago he was so very confident that they'd always be together. ]
You can be open about your relationship. I don't care. None of that matters anymore.
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[He frowns, resting his forehead down on Ryo's shoulder.]
There's no relationship. I don't know what the future will be. I might even have to go back. I want them to go home. They might have to go alone.
If I went with them and you could go, would you hurt the humans?
[He doesn't know if Ryo would even take this kind of offer, much less if the twins would allow it, or if it would ruin their world too. It might. But he's just curious what Ryo will say.]
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[ and even if he was, he does not know how long he would even last before it gets too much for him.
he sighs, and shifts enough just so he can wipe at his face. ]
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[He sort of loosens his arms a tad so Ryo can move, but he doesn't take them away.]
Would you? Or if you had a world with me... with no demons and no God, but there were humans. Would you hurt them?
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[ in any case, he's pretty sure that humanity will eventually destroy themselves on their own anyway. in his eyes, all ryo did was speed things up. ]
And I've spent enough time here to know that I can at least tolerate them.
[ ryo would not call anyone else here a friend but
he has learned to Tolerate. ]
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[He understands Ryo probably won't ever really like humans. He's not sure why. Well--he knows, logically, why. He isn't sure why Ryo can't change since Ryo has always liked him and his company.
He was human? He is human.]
Okay.
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If they try to attack me, I'll fight back.
[ it's what he's said he'll do while here. ]
This doesn't matter. You already said we're not staying together.
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[This is not news to him, so he doesn't try to argue with Ryo about it. He can... accepts that, he GUESSES.
He leans back so he can look at Ryo.]
I never said that.
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I can't go with you for your preferred plan, Akira.
[ and if akira has a choice, ryo isn't going to to pretend to be hopeful. he's realized he lost this. ]
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[He watches Ryo for a moment, then he bunches some of his shirt in a fist and uses to to wipe gently at Ryo's face.]
You know if you go back home, I'll be there, right?
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[ ...
he realizes, after a few seconds, just saying that doesn't explain anything, so he reluctantly continues. ]
It's not you though. Every version of you will always be important to me, and I'll love you. But you're the only you that I've spent these weeks with. You're the one who could have killed me every Thursday, but didn't. You're the one I was intimate with. You're the one who made me realize what this feeling was. I will never have that with any other Akira.
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He frowns softly, lowering the shirt.]
You don't know that. You might. [Not the Thursday thing, but maybe it applies to Akira not wanting to kill Ryo back home.] If you tell and show that Akira sooner.
[Wryly:]
...And here I thought all along I was just the replacement for a better Akira for you.
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[ the other akira isn't dead. and maybe, if ryo doesn't go back, he doesn't have to die. no matter what, the world has changed and there will be countless deaths, but there might be a chance now that akira and miki won't have to die. ryo wouldn't be there to betray him and set that in motion. and without ryo there, god would likely just deal with the demons without much opposition.
... the thought still leaves an ache in him. it's not really how he wants to leave it, but in theory, it's probably the best path. it's difficult to figure out how ryo would return to that world without it going badly at some point, even if he went early enough. the problem with your main enemy being all knowing is that, well. they're all knowing. ]
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For a long few moments, he's quiet.]
Next week... Do you want to hang out? [He's not sure what else to do. What would make Ryo feel better (nothing).] You... don't have to if you don't want to see me anymore until the party.
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[ it's both true and not true. there are plenty of times where ryo would prefer not to run into akira, and would go out of his way to avoid him, but unless he is very specifically doing something that he doesn't want akira there for, he wouldn't really try to send akira away. it's why he still agreed to curfew with him even though the week before had been a fairly horrible experience.
it's basically what happens when you love someone enough that you'll still sit next to them even when you're filled with rage over something that they did. ]
We might as well do what we can now.
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This is about as much as he thinks he can ask for right now. It feels like he's running after the wind which has scattered pieces of a bigger paper he's trying desperately to pick up.]
We can take pictures if you want...?
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... yeah. We can do that.
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He lifts his hand to rub his thumb one last time under one of Ryo's eyes, gently because of the bruising. Okay, gay, no more crying. It's weird. He's supposed to be the crier here.]
Okay. Let's hang out and take pictures then.