[ mostly because if akira had never found ryo that day, ryo would probably be a far worse person than he is now. imagine a world where ryo asuka never learned what love is but was still satan.
his tears are drying up. he doesn't really have much of them, anyway. ]
I think... [ he pauses, trying to think of what to say. ] Do you know why I brought you to the Sabbath party?
[Don't scowl, please go back to crying. He does not want Ryo to cry at all, it hurts him, but he refuses the scowl. It's fine, he can't see it.]
To... have Amon possess me?
[It's funny, the reason he knows this isn't because he found out here. He still would have had no idea. But Ryo did tell him, as Satan, a reason it was done.]
...So I would survive the end of the world and be at your side.
[And now he has immense doubts about existing alongside normal people like Kaoru and Hikaru. Ryo has cursed him with a kind of immortality; taking it away would remove his strength, his body. He'd be the old Akira.
And the funny thing about the old Akira is Kaoru would have probably never paid any attention to him at first because of how he looked. But Ryo didn't care about things like that.]
Mm... But, you know, I didn't realize I was doing that at the time.
[ there are a lot of things that have never been clarified between them, and the mountain of misunderstandings and secrets might now never have a chance of becoming smaller. all the things that they said they would discuss later, and now here they are. it's later. it's as late as it ever will be.
but, ryo figures, there's one thing he can maybe try to clarify. ]
I didn't take you there with the intention to do that. Well-- I suppose I did. Me, as Satan. It was like a subconscious desire that I wasn't really aware was happening, until I looked back at it later on with some distance. So, I guess I just want to say that... I wasn't intentionally trying to trick you, Akira.
[ like. it was still his plan, but he was not aware it was his plan because sometimes your inner satan has ideas of their own that you are too amnesia'd to be aware of.
but since this is what started everything between them, the first step they took on the road to hell, ryo decides he want to explain. ]
[He would not have understood that if he was not from the place in time he came, after Ryo had explained things to him. If Ryo had not explained he didn't remember.] It's okay, [he murmurs. It should not be okay. He should really not accept this; however, out of anyone else, he is the one who understands how victimized Ryo has been by fate.]
I forgive you, Ryo.
[He probably should not do this either considering, but... again, he is the one person who knows about Ryo. Who is... empathetic enough to offer that maybe.]
[ he is not really expecting forgiveness. but these are just thing they never talk about, and now they're likely never going to get to talk about them.
and, mostly, he wants to stall. once akira leaves that's likely it for them (ignores interdimensional travel). but there's only really so long they can sit here before akira will have to go and do something else. ]
[He does not say he has to because it's true, he does not have to forgive Ryo. But it feels like he is being held captive by his anger and frustration when, really, none of it matters for him anymore.
He leans back so he can look Ryo in the face even if he doesn't want to do that since it will make it harder to do any of this. His arms stay around Ryo's shoulders.]
[ his face probably still looks like shit because he was crying, but at least the tears stopped. at the very least, this will probably be the last time he cries, so that's good (for him). ]
Mm.
[ he still doesn't know what else to say. there's the growing need to be possessive and never let go, but he doesn't want to make akira mad. again. it's weird, since not wanting to upset akira is a generally new thing that concerns him when ryo as a person typically does not care who he upsets. things to have learned weeks ago. ]
... do you have to go?
[ he means, to go talk to other people, specifically ]
[It does, but that's okay. Friends don't judge other friend's ugly crying face. He reaches up to put both hands on the side of Ryo's cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe at the wetness.
He opens his mouth, then closes it. He knows he should probably just leave, and he knows he thought this whole ordeal was because Ryo was wanting him to hurry up and say goodbye.]
I can stay for a little while. I thought... you wanted me to say goodbye and leave.
[ he didn't mean right that second, which is why he panicked when akira immediately started to leave. this is so stupid. all of their problems is because they misunderstand each other every other thread. ]
[DON'T LAUGH. His face gets kind of red, both because he's embarrassed and because, well, he can't just TURN OFF the part of his brain that is shocked when Ryo laughs and it isn't sardonically.]
Ryo. I didn't know...! I thought you were mad and wanted it over with...
[ no, this is so stupid and funny and also the worst thing in the world. they went through this hugely dramatic moment for no reason... he is so dead inside. ]
I'm not... mad. [ he was earlier over the best friend comment, but. he is willing to try to believe in akira's explanation. ] I think this is just heartbreak. That's what they call it, right?
[There's actually a lot he wants to say, but it will just throw them into one of their circular arguments. So for once, he doesn't say anything for or against it. Instead, he says:]
I should probably find a blanket.
[when u ate from the tree of knowledge and so u are aware of ur nudity]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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That doesn't make it any less true.
[ mostly because if akira had never found ryo that day, ryo would probably be a far worse person than he is now. imagine a world where ryo asuka never learned what love is but was still satan.
his tears are drying up. he doesn't really have much of them, anyway. ]
I think... [ he pauses, trying to think of what to say. ] Do you know why I brought you to the Sabbath party?
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To... have Amon possess me?
[It's funny, the reason he knows this isn't because he found out here. He still would have had no idea. But Ryo did tell him, as Satan, a reason it was done.]
...So I would survive the end of the world and be at your side.
[And now he has immense doubts about existing alongside normal people like Kaoru and Hikaru. Ryo has cursed him with a kind of immortality; taking it away would remove his strength, his body. He'd be the old Akira.
And the funny thing about the old Akira is Kaoru would have probably never paid any attention to him at first because of how he looked. But Ryo didn't care about things like that.]
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[ there are a lot of things that have never been clarified between them, and the mountain of misunderstandings and secrets might now never have a chance of becoming smaller. all the things that they said they would discuss later, and now here they are. it's later. it's as late as it ever will be.
but, ryo figures, there's one thing he can maybe try to clarify. ]
I didn't take you there with the intention to do that. Well-- I suppose I did. Me, as Satan. It was like a subconscious desire that I wasn't really aware was happening, until I looked back at it later on with some distance. So, I guess I just want to say that... I wasn't intentionally trying to trick you, Akira.
[ like. it was still his plan, but he was not aware it was his plan because sometimes your inner satan has ideas of their own that you are too amnesia'd to be aware of.
but since this is what started everything between them, the first step they took on the road to hell, ryo decides he want to explain. ]
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[He would not have understood that if he was not from the place in time he came, after Ryo had explained things to him. If Ryo had not explained he didn't remember.] It's okay, [he murmurs. It should not be okay. He should really not accept this; however, out of anyone else, he is the one who understands how victimized Ryo has been by fate.]
I forgive you, Ryo.
[He probably should not do this either considering, but... again, he is the one person who knows about Ryo. Who is... empathetic enough to offer that maybe.]
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[ he is not really expecting forgiveness. but these are just thing they never talk about, and now they're likely never going to get to talk about them.
and, mostly, he wants to stall. once akira leaves that's likely it for them (ignores interdimensional travel). but there's only really so long they can sit here before akira will have to go and do something else. ]
I just wanted to say it.
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[He does not say he has to because it's true, he does not have to forgive Ryo. But it feels like he is being held captive by his anger and frustration when, really, none of it matters for him anymore.
He leans back so he can look Ryo in the face even if he doesn't want to do that since it will make it harder to do any of this. His arms stay around Ryo's shoulders.]
Thanks for saying it.
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Mm.
[ he still doesn't know what else to say. there's the growing need to be possessive and never let go, but he doesn't want to make akira mad. again. it's weird, since not wanting to upset akira is a generally new thing that concerns him when ryo as a person typically does not care who he upsets. things to have learned weeks ago. ]
... do you have to go?
[ he means, to go talk to other people, specifically ]
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He opens his mouth, then closes it. He knows he should probably just leave, and he knows he thought this whole ordeal was because Ryo was wanting him to hurry up and say goodbye.]
I can stay for a little while. I thought... you wanted me to say goodbye and leave.
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[ he didn't mean right that second, which is why he panicked when akira immediately started to leave. this is so stupid. all of their problems is because they misunderstand each other every other thread. ]
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[ALL. Of their problems. ARE BECAUSE THEY MISUNDERSTAND EACH OTHER EVERY TIME. His hands lower to his lap again.]
Sorry.
[He really made them have this dramatic display for no reason right now.]
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i'm sorry he just starts laughing. this is so stupid. ]
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Ryo. I didn't know...! I thought you were mad and wanted it over with...
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I'm not... mad. [ he was earlier over the best friend comment, but. he is willing to try to believe in akira's explanation. ] I think this is just heartbreak. That's what they call it, right?
But I'm not angry at you.
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Yeah...
[Welcome to human emotion, Ryo. It fucking SUCKS.]
It'd be okay if you were. If you wanted to be. I'd... understand.
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he just shakes his head. ]
There's not much point in being mad at you. What would that even accomplish at this point?
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[Little does Ryo know there is something called a PSL which will always fix everything ever somehow. Uh. Sometimes.]
What are you going to do...? I mean... while you're here.
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Stage a coup.
[ not really, but he is still annoyed by the whole fake satan thing. ]
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[He sounds so exasperated.]
Alex isn't a bad girl. Maybe you could work a deal out with her.
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[ he wouldn't hire any of them. they were all so chaotic and also she has ryo's file. she knows too much. ]
I'd probably look for some non-populated area and stay there.
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And then what will you do…?
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he shrugs. ]
Nothing, probably? If I need supplies I can just go to the other islands for a quick stop.
[ it shouldn't take too long since he can fly now. ]
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Okay.
[There's actually a lot he wants to say, but it will just throw them into one of their circular arguments. So for once, he doesn't say anything for or against it. Instead, he says:]
I should probably find a blanket.
[when u ate from the tree of knowledge and so u are aware of ur nudity]
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[ he
does not really want akira to just leave to grab one because he's worried he won't come back after. ]
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...having to take the jacket BACK AGAIN!! IT'S LIKE SAYING BYE AND WALKING IN THE SAME DIRECTION.]
...Sure, if you don't mind.
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but he will just. move to get off of akira so he can grab his jacket and bring it back. help. ]
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