Akira, I want you to see this from my end. I understand that I did something terrible to you, but from my point of view, I haven't done it. I'm being punished for something in my future that may never even happen to me now. And even though I may never do it, I'll never be able to shake the stigma of it off in your eyes.
[ he still tricked akira into getting possessed, and he still started the motions for the end of the world. but he still hasn't done the real, final act that brings akira's life crashing down yet. ]
I don't expect you to forgive me. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do here.
[Briefly, he looks like a scolded child, and then, of course, his expression gets somewhat stormy. Hurt. Offended.
It feels like he's talking to Chandra, or maybe talking to Chandra feels like talking to Ryo.]
What do you want me to do here? I don't have anything to go back to, Ryo! We destroyed the whole planet! If I make things the way they were, it'll just happen all over again.
[Something very suddenly dawns on him, and the frustrated anger bleeds so quickly from his face. He stares, mouth slightly open.
And then he looks away, at the ground, back and forth with his eyes, processing. He touches his chest reflexively before pushing himself away from the wall.
He stumbles away toward the bike, expression stunned and entranced with realization.]
[As he stops at the bike, the screen behind clicks and starts something new. But Akira doesn't turn back.
Earth is being ravaged by a fight. Two energies, a searing circle of light and a rolling darkness, collide across the expanse of what little is left of what was once so vibrant and lush.
Devilman narrowly dodges a righteous beam; it flies behind him through the atmosphere toward the rock looming in the far distance--the moon. The beam pierces it, splitting it through the middle. There's no hesitation. Devilman swings at Satan, punching them square and sending them careening through the glaciers of the arctic. He leaps down through the rolling steam, fists up.
But Satan's grinning face emerges. A beam of light vaporizes Devilman from the hips down, and nothing is left, not even ash. He plummets to the ground.
On a rocky cliff jutting from a red sea, Akira and Satan lie side by side. The universe above is brilliant, vibrant, glowing with pools of stars and gases.
The stars are quite clear, Satan says. The voice sounds hazy, distant, like listening to the ocean in a conch shell. It's all because the humans have finally perished. The rabbit is probably dead now as well. Akira, there's no rabbit in that sky, you know. I saw it with my own two eyes. The voice grows even more distant. Back then, it murmurs, I didn't know what you meant... But the screen clicks suddenly, going dark.
Akira has lifted the bike upright again, hands on the handlebars. He still hasn't looked back. He starts pushing it away.]
[ he watches the scene play and stares in silence, his expression contorting into something indescribable. normally, he would take his time to absorb this information. it's life changing, after all, something that is so spectacular but also soul crushing.
but there's something more important right now.
he takes another step after akira, and then another. ]
[ it takes him a moment to figure out what akira is talking about, because that week seems so long ago in comparison to the conversation that's happening right now.
his eyes widen. ryo had realized what the drink meant, but it was much easier to avoid the topic, and he was hoping that akira wouldn't be able to put two and two together. it's something ryo didn't want to think about. he still wasn't even sure if love was something that existed. ]
... why are you bringing something like that up now?
[ he's gonna be honest, it was way better when they were just talking about the world ending or whatever
this, though? this is a topic that is way out of ryo's usual scope. the only times he has ever really experienced feelings, real positive or even negative feelings, are with akira. ryo realizes that there are certain things about him that may be even more warped than they already are if akira wasn't the one who found him that day. ]
... all I knew was that what was happening would change everything. And I wanted you with me. I don't care what vices you have, or that there was a girl, I just wanted you there.
[ ryo never said anything because he didn't know. but even if he did, it didn't matter, since he never would have the expectations that they would be lovers.
a part of him knew the end of the world would come, so he subconsciously made sure akira would be strong enough to live through that. so they can continue to be together. it just turns out he was too blind to realize that wasn't what akira also wanted. ]
[His expression softens slightly, and then his mouth closes into a small line. The start of a frown, but not quite there.]
Ryo...
[In hindsight, it makes him feel like an idiot. To think he never... saw? Considered? The fact he was ignorant to how deep the obsession ran, how it happened to be twisted. He was too busy looking at... life. At a stand-in family, at a girl. At running track to make up for the distance between him and his parents. Normal, ordinary things. Simple things.]
Does any of it ever matter anymore, Ryo? Earth, the demons, the humans. If you go back... it'll all be destroyed anyway. If you make me Devilman, I will fight you. So does it matter? Going back. I'm here. You're here. You said that's what you wanted.
well. he also wants to kill humans and now he also wants to fight god. there are also some very important wants. but... it sounds like he did get one of those things, technically, even if he personally didn't experience it.
ryo still isn't sure if god isn't going to show up here just to smite him. ]
It is what I want. [ ... ] Are you still going to leave?
[ most of their conversations aren't resolved. it might be because they tend to keep cycling back to one that might be impossible to have a resolution.
he looks down at the bike, at the seat he was on not too long ago. ]
... I think I'll walk. You can have a break from me.
[ now that things have calmed down a bit, ryo is realizing this is actually very embarrassing for him. ]
[He opens his mouth, then shuts it. He doesn't want to fight and argue; he's tired. He doesn't want to agree or disagree. He doesn't want Ryo to think he's glad, but he also doesn't want them to get into it again on the way.]
Okay.
[He looks like he wants to add something placating, but doesn't.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he still tricked akira into getting possessed, and he still started the motions for the end of the world. but he still hasn't done the real, final act that brings akira's life crashing down yet. ]
I don't expect you to forgive me. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do here.
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It feels like he's talking to Chandra, or maybe talking to Chandra feels like talking to Ryo.]
What do you want me to do here? I don't have anything to go back to, Ryo! We destroyed the whole planet! If I make things the way they were, it'll just happen all over again.
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he's smart enough to not say that, at least. ]
You only ever act like standing next to me is a punishment now, your way of damning yourself. You didn't lose everything. You still have me.
[ the last part is quiet, and he shakes his head. ]
Are you ever going to stop talking about our friendship like it's in the paste tense?
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And then he looks away, at the ground, back and forth with his eyes, processing. He touches his chest reflexively before pushing himself away from the wall.
He stumbles away toward the bike, expression stunned and entranced with realization.]
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he stares after him, bewildered for a moment and he takes a step after him before stopping. ]
Akira?
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Akira has lifted the bike upright again, hands on the handlebars. He still hasn't looked back. He starts pushing it away.]
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but there's something more important right now.
he takes another step after akira, and then another. ]
Akira!
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Finally, he does turn his head to glance back.]
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[ whenever they had arguments before, akira would at least tell him why he's mad at him. the silence is more unnerving than ryo wants to admit. ]
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...The drink didn't work on you.
[Why is this what he finally says?]
Because... it was already true.
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his eyes widen. ryo had realized what the drink meant, but it was much easier to avoid the topic, and he was hoping that akira wouldn't be able to put two and two together. it's something ryo didn't want to think about. he still wasn't even sure if love was something that existed. ]
... why are you bringing something like that up now?
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...You said I did have someone. It was you.
[But only that it was Ryo. No one else. No one else mattered, or ever mattered maybe, or even matters now.]
Why didn't you ever say anything?
[As if Ryo would know.]
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this, though? this is a topic that is way out of ryo's usual scope. the only times he has ever really experienced feelings, real positive or even negative feelings, are with akira. ryo realizes that there are certain things about him that may be even more warped than they already are if akira wasn't the one who found him that day. ]
... all I knew was that what was happening would change everything. And I wanted you with me. I don't care what vices you have, or that there was a girl, I just wanted you there.
[ ryo never said anything because he didn't know. but even if he did, it didn't matter, since he never would have the expectations that they would be lovers.
a part of him knew the end of the world would come, so he subconsciously made sure akira would be strong enough to live through that. so they can continue to be together. it just turns out he was too blind to realize that wasn't what akira also wanted. ]
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[His expression softens slightly, and then his mouth closes into a small line. The start of a frown, but not quite there.]
Ryo...
[In hindsight, it makes him feel like an idiot. To think he never... saw? Considered? The fact he was ignorant to how deep the obsession ran, how it happened to be twisted. He was too busy looking at... life. At a stand-in family, at a girl. At running track to make up for the distance between him and his parents. Normal, ordinary things. Simple things.]
Does any of it ever matter anymore, Ryo? Earth, the demons, the humans. If you go back... it'll all be destroyed anyway. If you make me Devilman, I will fight you. So does it matter? Going back. I'm here. You're here. You said that's what you wanted.
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well. he also wants to kill humans and now he also wants to fight god. there are also some very important wants. but... it sounds like he did get one of those things, technically, even if he personally didn't experience it.
ryo still isn't sure if god isn't going to show up here just to smite him. ]
It is what I want. [ ... ] Are you still going to leave?
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He glances in the direction they came before looking again At Ryo. His weight with the bike shifts slightly.]
...Do you want me to drive you back?
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he looks down at the bike, at the seat he was on not too long ago. ]
... I think I'll walk. You can have a break from me.
[ now that things have calmed down a bit, ryo is realizing this is actually very embarrassing for him. ]
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Okay.
[He looks like he wants to add something placating, but doesn't.]
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he pauses, just to give akira a quick look, before continuing on. embarrassing. ]