Careful of Ryo's injuries, he pulls Ryo up so they're both standing. For a moment, he keeps a hold of Ryo's hands, and he looks at Ryo's face. His smile is tight and sad, small. The smile you have when you have to say goodbye to someone.]
Is this because of what you heard my voice say today?
[He should be more irritated it took wild execution voices to get through to Ryo a little, but he isn't.
He lets Ryo's hands go, then lifts his arms to wrap them around Ryo's neck and shoulders. (Carefully.) He hugs Ryo to himself, leaning the side of his head against Ryo's own.]
You were my best friend. I cried when you left because I could feel how lonely you were, and I didn't want my best friend to be lonely or sad, and I didn't want him to leave. And when you came back, I threw myself at you because I was happy to see my best friend again.
You were always so smart, and you were good-looking, and you could always do anything. You always knew everything, even when I didn't. You weren't ever afraid of anything. You didn't cry about everything. I trusted you, more than anyone, more than myself.
I want you to know because... when you go back, I want you to remember what I'm telling you. Okay? I can't fix it for me. I can't fix it because it isn't me. It's you, Ryo. It's always been you.
[ to be fair, if the weekly effect wasn't a thing it probably would have gotten through to him less.
he furrows his brow, trying to make sense of what akira is saying. even when it isn't quite hitting him, though, he still moves to hug akira back-- almost like a reflex, at this point. the need to hold onto him since their first meeting. ]
[This figures. He really shouldn't be surprised anymore, yet here he is, surprised that Ryo doesn't understand. He leans back a little, enough to allow him to drop his forehead against Ryo's own.]
I told you already. You can't have me and the demons. If you want the demons, you'll always have to kill me. If you want me, you won't be able to have the demons. I'm sorry, Ryo. I'm not trying to make you choose.
You're going to have to decide what you want more when you go back. No matter what I do when I go back, demons will always be there because you're there. Because nothing I say can stop you from trying to help them, no matter how far back I go. If I don't become Devilman, they'll kill me with everyone else. If I become Devilman, I'll always side with the humans. If I never become your friend, it won't matter. You'll find the demons on your own.
[ there's a long silence, as he thinks over the words. the idea of akira considering just not becoming ryo's friend is alarming in a way that he has not considered. ]
You know, no matter what I do, I am pretty sure that God would still find a way to screw me over.
[ he thinks back to the execution, and how every time ryo has found something okay, god would show up to destroy it. ]
Let's say we go with your plan to make different worlds for them. I'm sure God will just go to the demon one and destroy it.
We have time to figure it out. Maybe there's some way to word it that'll work...
[ he probably sounds crazy but it's fine. ]
We can at least look into it? The fact that we're here, surrounded by people from different worlds, prove that our God does not touch everything. It can work, Akira.
[He doesn't pull away, but he continues to have that sort of desperate sadness on his face. It pinches, then twists slowly into something surprised and hurt.]
But I... [Something else dawns on him suddenly. His expression slackens slightly.] You...
[ which is true. it takes ryo killing akira for him to actually realize that he made a horrible mistake, but at that point it was too late.
the difference, though, is that this ryo hasn't actually gotten to experience that himself yet. there's still that belief that things can work now, maybe even has a better chance of doing so now that he knows what would have happened. he can do better now. ]
Should we shelve this for now? It's been a long weekend for both of us.
[ they probably won't get any further than this, he thinks, considering how how emotions are, along with the weekly effect. little does he know that week 5 is also probably a horrible week to discuss this because of alphas ]
[He returns the hug, a little lighter than usual because of the shoulder. If he could somehow squeeze empathy and understanding into Ryo, he would do it. Alas.
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but at least, he'll reach out and take akira's offered hands. ]
When you said that the first time, I wasn't sure if you actually meant it or not. Wanting to keep trying.
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Careful of Ryo's injuries, he pulls Ryo up so they're both standing. For a moment, he keeps a hold of Ryo's hands, and he looks at Ryo's face. His smile is tight and sad, small. The smile you have when you have to say goodbye to someone.]
Is this because of what you heard my voice say today?
[Everything else, too. But also the last bit.]
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It was pretty apt, I think. I think I preferred when they just spat out quotes.
[ he would have cared less if that was the case. ]
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He lets Ryo's hands go, then lifts his arms to wrap them around Ryo's neck and shoulders. (Carefully.) He hugs Ryo to himself, leaning the side of his head against Ryo's own.]
You were my best friend. I cried when you left because I could feel how lonely you were, and I didn't want my best friend to be lonely or sad, and I didn't want him to leave. And when you came back, I threw myself at you because I was happy to see my best friend again.
You were always so smart, and you were good-looking, and you could always do anything. You always knew everything, even when I didn't. You weren't ever afraid of anything. You didn't cry about everything. I trusted you, more than anyone, more than myself.
I want you to know because... when you go back, I want you to remember what I'm telling you. Okay? I can't fix it for me. I can't fix it because it isn't me. It's you, Ryo. It's always been you.
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he furrows his brow, trying to make sense of what akira is saying. even when it isn't quite hitting him, though, he still moves to hug akira back-- almost like a reflex, at this point. the need to hold onto him since their first meeting. ]
I don't understand.
[ he sounds annoyed by this admittance. ]
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I told you already. You can't have me and the demons. If you want the demons, you'll always have to kill me. If you want me, you won't be able to have the demons. I'm sorry, Ryo. I'm not trying to make you choose.
You're going to have to decide what you want more when you go back. No matter what I do when I go back, demons will always be there because you're there. Because nothing I say can stop you from trying to help them, no matter how far back I go. If I don't become Devilman, they'll kill me with everyone else. If I become Devilman, I'll always side with the humans. If I never become your friend, it won't matter. You'll find the demons on your own.
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You know, no matter what I do, I am pretty sure that God would still find a way to screw me over.
[ he thinks back to the execution, and how every time ryo has found something okay, god would show up to destroy it. ]
Let's say we go with your plan to make different worlds for them. I'm sure God will just go to the demon one and destroy it.
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He is quiet for a long moment or two, thoughtful.]
...If you kill God, neither of us would exist.
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[ his tone is bordering on anger at that, but he's trying to keep it even. ]
It's the only way it'll work out. Your idea can be a compromise, but I know as long as God exists, it'll never work.
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Ryo... If They made everything, getting rid of Them will probably undo it. There won't be any difference in that and us staying here.
[Oh no. This is what Ryo is doing actually, huh. Oh NO.]
Tell me you weren't already thinking about doing this, Ryo. About trying to kill God.
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[ he pulls away from akira, not moving too far but enough so that he can look at him. ]
They want you to believe that we need a God to exist. But we don't, Akira.
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Even if you got rid of God, the humans and the demons can't coexist. If you use your win for that, then... how are they going to have separate worlds?
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[ he probably sounds crazy but it's fine. ]
We can at least look into it? The fact that we're here, surrounded by people from different worlds, prove that our God does not touch everything. It can work, Akira.
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Ryo...
[This week, at least, is the worst time for his side of a conversation like this.]
You said you tried. You said you already tried to go against God, and it didn't work. Don't do it, Ryo. What if something happens to you?
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ryo shifts, so that he can cup akira's face in his hand. ]
I'll figure it out. And you'll be safe elsewhere, so you won't have to worry about it. You can have your humans and everything.
[ like when you're a kid and really want to keep a stinky stray pet with fleas but your parent hates animals but they eventually cave ]
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But I... [Something else dawns on him suddenly. His expression slackens slightly.] You...
Am I... a replacement?
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No. Who could you replace? All I have is you.
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Me. The me you’re going back to. Are you just going to kill me again trying to figure it out? Trying to find a way to kill God.
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[ which is true. it takes ryo killing akira for him to actually realize that he made a horrible mistake, but at that point it was too late.
the difference, though, is that this ryo hasn't actually gotten to experience that himself yet. there's still that belief that things can work now, maybe even has a better chance of doing so now that he knows what would have happened. he can do better now. ]
Trust me, Akira.
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…
[Trust him. Trust Ryo. After everything. His jaw clenches gently.
Is it even fair to think Ryo is the problem…?]
Ryo…
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[ they probably won't get any further than this, he thinks, considering how how emotions are, along with the weekly effect. little does he know that week 5 is also probably a horrible week to discuss this because of alphas ]
We can go rest.
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He secedes, nodding his head some.]
Don’t forget your phone.
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Okay.
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He pulls away first so he can lead the way back.]