[ he instinctively tightens his grip on akira as they slide into an unstable stop. and then he lets go.
ryo climbs off the bike and walks closer to the screen. he's transfixed by the scene that's playing on it-- this isn't the first one he's had to sit through but it's finally one that actually, truly matters. it's strange, because akira has told him many times how angry he is, and how much ryo has taken away from him, but it's different to see it happen here. ]
[At first, he doesn't get off the bike because he hates the screen. And even though he does not want Ryo to go over and gawk, and listen, and see, he doesn't try to stop Ryo from doing it.
There is something he has refused to acknowledge so far.]
Ryo...!
[The bike falls onto its side as he abandons it to hurry over, reaching out to take Ryo's arm.]
[ he tries to wave him off, moving to lean against the wall. his head hurts. it's like there's something clawing its way out of his brain, something that that was locked away for such a very long time. ]
Well, shit, Akira. I guess I am Satan.
[ there's a brief, stuttered laugh, and he covers his mouth with a hand. ]
[His jaw sets, and he offers the screen a glare as if it has spilled secrets he hasn't already spilled (some of them). It's not something he wanted Ryo to know at all. and yet... he's glad he told Ryo first, for some reason.
He's glad Ryo didn't find out here, like this, with whatever is happening to them.
Again, he looks back at Ryo, a frown slowly easing onto his face. He wonders, suddenly, if it would have mattered. He steps a little closer.]
[ well, apparently he did a lot of things, since ryo knows they fought after that and then he kills akira. but it's not like akira made him satan.
so many things make more sense, random curiosities that he never thought that hard on at the time, but looking back, he wonders why he never considered it to be strange until now. hindsight is always 20/20, but it's definitely as if he was being blocked from thinking about it.
"would you believe me if i said i don't know why i said that?" "nope." ]
It's a little funny. Even God hates me, no wonder I ended up here.
[It's hard to forget his anger, not completely. But being dead... believing he's dead, they're dead and in hell... knowing Miki isn't here, maybe she is somewhere better, it softens it. Turns it into embers instead of raging flames.
And he realizes, here like this, how caught up and blind he had been in his anger. Even if his feelings weren't wrong, they made him forget Ryo's feelings. Ryo's loneliness.
He's quiet for a long time, not knowing what to say. Then he puts one hand on the wall and stretches the other out to Ryo.]
[ it takes a few seconds for him to compute what akira is saying. his gaze falls to the outstretched hand before him, and his expression goes from one of surprise to confusion and the neutrality. ]
We're already here together.
[ he knows what akira means though.
the idea of abandoning returning to earth, though, is a large one. even before he knew the truth, there's always been an urge to return and finish what he started. but now that he knows how it ends... maybe he can change it? maybe he can get akira to see things his way? maybe. ]
[The hand remains where its at, held out, hovering. The expression on his face pinches slightly.]
Let's win to see what happens. And... then let's stay here together. [A bit more firmly, like he might be trying to convince someone besides Ryo.] If he says we can have what we ask for...
...then I'll remake an earth without us or any demons. An earth... just for the humans. And we can stay here together.
[It's where they belong, he thinks. Going back--they'll destroy it all again. They will.]
... but what about the demons? They were there first, you know. Between a lion and a lamb, why should only the lamb be favored?
[ is it really the demons fault that they're just incompatible to live with the humans? even in the regular ecosystem, there's always going to be sacrifices based on who's stronger. it's the way the world works, and disrupting that will have consequence far beyond that small circle.
[He frowns slowly, though doesn't give up just yet.]
Isn't that what this place is for? For the demons. Aren't you Satan? Make a world for them, Ryo, if you win with me. Make a world for the demons, and I'll make a world for the humans.
[But neither of them will really get to see it, he doesn't think, so maybe Ryo won't go for something like that.]
[His hand is still there between them; it doesn't raise or lower.]
Then stay with me here, Ryo. Isn't this where we're meant to be? If I go back, if there are demons, I'll just try to keep killing them. To protect the humans.
[ ... maybe it can work? ryo has no love for humans, but maybe it can work, if they aren't in his world. maybe, just maybe, something could be done like this.
there's still a voice in the back of his head that is saying no, this isn't enough. ]
[This is when the hand quivers at the same time his expression falters. Not in guilt, but in hurt, in a strange sense of shame he knows he shouldn't have after everything Ryo has taken from him.]
I won't have any choice if you try to protect the demons.
[He stares at Ryo, lips parting; no words come out. The hand draws a few inches back toward himself, uncertain.]
...You were my friend, Ryo. But you lied--to everyone. You lied about the demons on TV. You told them the demons were humans, you told them about me, about Devilman. You showed them the video... of the Sabbath party.
[ oh, so that was the betrayal. another missing part of the puzzle is slot into place, and he wonders how much closer he is to having the complete picture.
but that doesn't matter. all these things ryo have done-- he doesn't feel bad about it. maybe because he hasn't done all of it yet? no. he is pretty sure he still wouldn't feel guilt, or at least... not the kind of guilt that akira wants him to have. ]
[Frustration bubbles up in him. It really does feel like Ryo won't ever change. Like Ryo... can't change. (Does Ryo think the same of him? He doesn't consider it.)]
Akira, I want you to see this from my end. I understand that I did something terrible to you, but from my point of view, I haven't done it. I'm being punished for something in my future that may never even happen to me now. And even though I may never do it, I'll never be able to shake the stigma of it off in your eyes.
[ he still tricked akira into getting possessed, and he still started the motions for the end of the world. but he still hasn't done the real, final act that brings akira's life crashing down yet. ]
I don't expect you to forgive me. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do here.
[Briefly, he looks like a scolded child, and then, of course, his expression gets somewhat stormy. Hurt. Offended.
It feels like he's talking to Chandra, or maybe talking to Chandra feels like talking to Ryo.]
What do you want me to do here? I don't have anything to go back to, Ryo! We destroyed the whole planet! If I make things the way they were, it'll just happen all over again.
[Something very suddenly dawns on him, and the frustrated anger bleeds so quickly from his face. He stares, mouth slightly open.
And then he looks away, at the ground, back and forth with his eyes, processing. He touches his chest reflexively before pushing himself away from the wall.
He stumbles away toward the bike, expression stunned and entranced with realization.]
[As he stops at the bike, the screen behind clicks and starts something new. But Akira doesn't turn back.
Earth is being ravaged by a fight. Two energies, a searing circle of light and a rolling darkness, collide across the expanse of what little is left of what was once so vibrant and lush.
Devilman narrowly dodges a righteous beam; it flies behind him through the atmosphere toward the rock looming in the far distance--the moon. The beam pierces it, splitting it through the middle. There's no hesitation. Devilman swings at Satan, punching them square and sending them careening through the glaciers of the arctic. He leaps down through the rolling steam, fists up.
But Satan's grinning face emerges. A beam of light vaporizes Devilman from the hips down, and nothing is left, not even ash. He plummets to the ground.
On a rocky cliff jutting from a red sea, Akira and Satan lie side by side. The universe above is brilliant, vibrant, glowing with pools of stars and gases.
The stars are quite clear, Satan says. The voice sounds hazy, distant, like listening to the ocean in a conch shell. It's all because the humans have finally perished. The rabbit is probably dead now as well. Akira, there's no rabbit in that sky, you know. I saw it with my own two eyes. The voice grows even more distant. Back then, it murmurs, I didn't know what you meant... But the screen clicks suddenly, going dark.
Akira has lifted the bike upright again, hands on the handlebars. He still hasn't looked back. He starts pushing it away.]
[ he watches the scene play and stares in silence, his expression contorting into something indescribable. normally, he would take his time to absorb this information. it's life changing, after all, something that is so spectacular but also soul crushing.
but there's something more important right now.
he takes another step after akira, and then another. ]
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ryo climbs off the bike and walks closer to the screen. he's transfixed by the scene that's playing on it-- this isn't the first one he's had to sit through but it's finally one that actually, truly matters. it's strange, because akira has told him many times how angry he is, and how much ryo has taken away from him, but it's different to see it happen here. ]
"The person that I loved..."
[ he clutches his head, stumbling. ]
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There is something he has refused to acknowledge so far.]
Ryo...!
[The bike falls onto its side as he abandons it to hurry over, reaching out to take Ryo's arm.]
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Well, shit, Akira. I guess I am Satan.
[ there's a brief, stuttered laugh, and he covers his mouth with a hand. ]
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He's glad Ryo didn't find out here, like this, with whatever is happening to them.
Again, he looks back at Ryo, a frown slowly easing onto his face. He wonders, suddenly, if it would have mattered. He steps a little closer.]
I'm sorry, Ryo...
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[ well, apparently he did a lot of things, since ryo knows they fought after that and then he kills akira. but it's not like akira made him satan.
so many things make more sense, random curiosities that he never thought that hard on at the time, but looking back, he wonders why he never considered it to be strange until now. hindsight is always 20/20, but it's definitely as if he was being blocked from thinking about it.
"would you believe me if i said i don't know why i said that?"
"nope." ]
It's a little funny. Even God hates me, no wonder I ended up here.
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And he realizes, here like this, how caught up and blind he had been in his anger. Even if his feelings weren't wrong, they made him forget Ryo's feelings. Ryo's loneliness.
He's quiet for a long time, not knowing what to say. Then he puts one hand on the wall and stretches the other out to Ryo.]
Let's stay here together, Ryo.
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We're already here together.
[ he knows what akira means though.
the idea of abandoning returning to earth, though, is a large one. even before he knew the truth, there's always been an urge to return and finish what he started. but now that he knows how it ends... maybe he can change it? maybe he can get akira to see things his way? maybe. ]
Do you know how much you would be giving up?
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Let's win to see what happens. And... then let's stay here together. [A bit more firmly, like he might be trying to convince someone besides Ryo.] If he says we can have what we ask for...
...then I'll remake an earth without us or any demons. An earth... just for the humans. And we can stay here together.
[It's where they belong, he thinks. Going back--they'll destroy it all again. They will.]
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[ is it really the demons fault that they're just incompatible to live with the humans? even in the regular ecosystem, there's always going to be sacrifices based on who's stronger. it's the way the world works, and disrupting that will have consequence far beyond that small circle.
he stares at akira's hand. ]
Is this really what you would want?
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Isn't that what this place is for? For the demons. Aren't you Satan? Make a world for them, Ryo, if you win with me. Make a world for the demons, and I'll make a world for the humans.
[But neither of them will really get to see it, he doesn't think, so maybe Ryo won't go for something like that.]
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ryo doesn't really think that god would let this happen. even if this does somehow work out, it's likely to be destroyed like always. ]
I do want to be with you.
[ it's not difficult to admit that, since ryo has always been open that he wants akira next to him. ]
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Then stay with me here, Ryo. Isn't this where we're meant to be? If I go back, if there are demons, I'll just try to keep killing them. To protect the humans.
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there's still a voice in the back of his head that is saying no, this isn't enough. ]
And you'll try to kill me again?
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I won't have any choice if you try to protect the demons.
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he takes a step towards him. ]
Would it be a hard choice? Would you be in pain?
[ how much does their friendship matter? ryo knows there's a limit to it-- he just saw what it was on the screen. ]
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...You were my friend, Ryo. But you lied--to everyone. You lied about the demons on TV. You told them the demons were humans, you told them about me, about Devilman. You showed them the video... of the Sabbath party.
You betrayed me.
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but that doesn't matter. all these things ryo have done-- he doesn't feel bad about it. maybe because he hasn't done all of it yet? no. he is pretty sure he still wouldn't feel guilt, or at least... not the kind of guilt that akira wants him to have. ]
Were...
[ always past tense. ]
I'll walk back on my own.
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Ryo...!
[He shifts, but doesn't try to grab Ryo.]
I thought we agreed to try?
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[ he still tricked akira into getting possessed, and he still started the motions for the end of the world. but he still hasn't done the real, final act that brings akira's life crashing down yet. ]
I don't expect you to forgive me. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do here.
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It feels like he's talking to Chandra, or maybe talking to Chandra feels like talking to Ryo.]
What do you want me to do here? I don't have anything to go back to, Ryo! We destroyed the whole planet! If I make things the way they were, it'll just happen all over again.
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he's smart enough to not say that, at least. ]
You only ever act like standing next to me is a punishment now, your way of damning yourself. You didn't lose everything. You still have me.
[ the last part is quiet, and he shakes his head. ]
Are you ever going to stop talking about our friendship like it's in the paste tense?
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And then he looks away, at the ground, back and forth with his eyes, processing. He touches his chest reflexively before pushing himself away from the wall.
He stumbles away toward the bike, expression stunned and entranced with realization.]
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he stares after him, bewildered for a moment and he takes a step after him before stopping. ]
Akira?
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Akira has lifted the bike upright again, hands on the handlebars. He still hasn't looked back. He starts pushing it away.]
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but there's something more important right now.
he takes another step after akira, and then another. ]
Akira!
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