akira

[preordain]

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[preordain]

I know. She was glad I told her, at least.

[ better to have some sort of answer, even if it's a late one. ]

I did hit her back though.

[ he knows akira wasn't too crazy about the idea of him doing that but..... ]

[tearduct]

I just knew the why wouldn't matter to her as much as it happening at all.

[Hence the bruises.

Shockingly, he smiles wryly. A little.]

She can take it. Are you okay?

[preordain]

It was like getting hit by a tank.

[ listen. gideon punches hard on a normal day imagine how hard she hits when she legitimately wants to beat the shit out of you. wow. ]

[tearduct]

Yeah.

[He picks up the ice pack and puts it back on Ryo's face again.]

You could have come and got me. I mean, about your face after. You didn't do anything about it, did you?

[preordain]

It didn't seem worth bothering you about.

[ he knows akira would disagree but

it's fine. ]

[tearduct]

I’m your friend. It’s what friends do.

[That doesn’t surprise him, though. He turns his head up again so he can look at the ceiling.]

I wanted to hear what you plan to do.

[preordain]

[ ryo looks at him for a longer moment before also turning away. ]

I want to be together.

[tearduct]

[He watches the slowly moving images of the starry sky.]

So you’re going back still?

[preordain]

Is that what being together means?

[ he sounds amused. ]

For a while, I was considering going back, and then just following your advice. I wouldn't try to kill the humans. And then I'd see if God would still try to kill me or not.

[tearduct]

[A frown appears on his face.]

If the demons are there, God will probably still try to destroy the planet. I don't know if you should kill God. I worry you can't do that alone, not to God. But the world where we're together, I know you can do that if you do it the right way.

But if I'm not Devilman, I'll get old, and I'll die sooner or later. That's what happens to humans.

[preordain]

[ god he looks. so displeased at the idea of akira growing old and dying. ]

I just don't think I'll ever be happy.

[ he knows what akira is saying. but no matter every path this leads to, it's some kind of loss. ]

[tearduct]

Don’t say that. I want you to be happy. You can be.

[He turns his head again to look at Ryo.]

You said you thought about it, but…?

[preordain]

[ he doesn't respond right away. ]

Tell me what you're going to do. All your plans.

[tearduct]

[He waits quietly until Ryo does. He keeps looking at Ryo surprisingly.]

I don't know for sure yet because... I don't know what's going to happen at the party. [He quiet himself for a long moment.] Gideon wanted me to come with her to Lu Bixing's world. But... I don't know if we can, and I don't think I'm going. I don't mean to hurt her, but... I don't think I'd fit in there.

Would you hate me if I stayed here, Ryo? I thought about... just going home, but nothing will change much for me no matter what I do. I'll die one way or another. Miki will die. The humans.

[preordain]

[ gideon's wish isn't a surprise, since ryo is aware of how much she hates the idea of akira staying here. she had even once offered a similar idea to ryo, but he doubts the offer would still be a thing after today. ]

If you stay here, what will you do? You said before you thought of being a personal demon. But what else?

[tearduct]

[Akira sort of knows better. He thinks, at least. He thinks Gideon would let Ryo come anyway despite all that. Because she's so much like him.]

What else is there, Ryo? I don't know what else. [He turns his head to stare up at the ceiling again, frowning.] I want Kaoru and Hikaru to go home. There's still a world waiting on them. Their friends, their families.

I thought about... [He pauses for a long time. At his sides, his hands ball into fists.] I thought about... if it was possible... I might... I thought I might go with them. It's the only world I know of that's the same as where we're from. There's a Japan, an America. No demons.

I'm worried about being there as a Devilman. That... I'll taint it somehow. Not that... any of it is possible anyway.

[preordain]

You'd probably be fine. Most of your triggers had to do with other demons, anyway, so if there aren't any you'd likely be fine. It would take a lot of adjusting, obviously, there would be fine. If it's even possible, anyway.

[ he sits up and the ice pack just falls to the floor with a thud. ]

Or you can stay here together, if not.

[tearduct]

[He immediately looks worriedly at Ryo when Ryo sits up. He glances at the ice pack, then he sits up too.]

If I stay here it's because there isn't anywhere else for me.

[He picks up the ice pack.] You never told me what you were going to do. [After what seemed like Ryo changed his mind.

He tries to put the ice pack against Ryo's face...}

[preordain]

It doesn't sound like I have any options, Akira. I can go home, and then apparently nothing I do will change anything, and you die. And I'll likely to die, too. Would I just end up back here, then?

[ he tries to wave the pack off. ]

Perhaps God can smite me for good? That would solve some problems.

[tearduct]

[He lowers the pack slowly.]

You... weren't planning on leaving, were you? You changed your mind.

[God dammit, Ryo.]

[preordain]

[ he just sighs. ]

Akira, don't worry about what I'm going to do. It seems like we just have a week left together, no matter what.

[tearduct]

Don't tell me what to do. I'm tired of you telling me what to do.

[But he doesn't raise his voice, and he doesn't get angry. His expression softens slightly.]

I worry. I am worried. What are you going to do, Ryo? You're my friend. Ryo, please.

[preordain]

I'll just stay here, I think. Maybe I can usurp Satan? He's stealing my name, anyway, so it would be fair for him to give it back.

[ fake ass satan

he looks up at the sky. ]

I don't know, Akira. There isn't a single choice I can make here that will lead to me being satisfied.

[tearduct]

[Ryo looks up, and he just keeps looking at Ryo. They're both stuck at such an impasse with their problems, huh. It's so frustrating to him that they can't both just... be happy.

That maybe Ryo is right and there isn't ever a time or a place where they are together and happy.

Both of his hands lift, and he pets them back over Ryo's face, and then he twines his arms around Ryo's neck to hug Ryo to himself.]

Tell me what you want, [he whispers.] Tell me what would make you satisfied. Just so I know. I want to hear it from you.

[preordain]

[ despite how much touching they've done this week, he's still startled by the hug. he wishes he wasn't surprised. hugging had been so very natural before for them.

there are so many things he wants though. he wants god dead. he wants humans gone. he wants to leave hell. but with all of these things, he will lose akira in the process of achieving it. and the thing is, ryo knows that if he really has to, he can kill akira. except he would also regret it for the rest of his life.

he thinks of the memory he saw of akira's, of when he died. of ryo's own voice talking, and growing fainter and fainter as akira's conscious faded away. ryo knows how that other him reacted. he didn't really understand before, but he does now. ]

I want you. [ ... ] But I know that's not what you want.

[ and it kills him, to feel something so intensely only for it to be unrequited.

for it to not be the right kind of love, because ryo can never be someone normal and good and kind. ]