akira

[preordain]

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[tearduct]

[He takes a step back to give Ryo room to get gigantic and beautiful, it's fine. He never really had a lot of time to appreciate it before because he was fucking mad.

But this is who Ryo is, and he accepts that.

Gently, he rolls his neck and his shoulders, mustering up the emotions in him and letting them burst out. Goodbye clothes. They get shredded as he grows larger, as the wings pop out of his skin on his shoulders and the tail and claws and fangs emerge.

He holds out a hand (claw??) to Ryo.]

[preordain]

[ they will take akira's hand and give it a squeeze. ]

Shall we go?

[ up to. wherever. ]

[tearduct]

Don’t let go.

[As if Satan cannot fly with all these wings. He takes their hand and powerfully flaps his wings to take off straight up through the air. He pulls them along with him by the hand, coasting them up high.

Higher and higher.

Once they’re in the air way above everything else, he stops to hover in place, wings fanning. He glances around.]

[preordain]

[ that's fine, they aren't going to be letting go of his hand any time soon. or, at least until they have to.

it's kind of funny how small everything is though, when you're up here. ]

It must be nice. To be Devilman again.

[tearduct]

[Everything is tiny... It's weird being here, but not fighting to the death with Ryo. Instead, they're holding hands. Which... makes him a little sad to know it could have been this way instead of the way it had worked out for him initially.]

It was weird getting used to not being Devilman. I felt so weak sometimes.

[preordain]

You were human.

[ they shift so that they're in front of akira. ]

But you're not just human anymore, so it was like a piece of you was missing.

[tearduct]

[He hangs his head a bit, not wanting to admit he's anything even slightly not human. He still clings so desperately to his humanity, but... maybe... after here, after not having it, he can accept the Devilman middle ground again.]

I thought about... asking if somehow I could get rid of it. Devilman. If I could change it. I guess I could if I went back... and didn't go to the party. Even with all this power, no matter what I did, people got hurt or died. But...

It felt... right to use it to protect others anyway. To try. I didn't feel useless anymore. I felt like I could make a difference. I remember what it feels like.

[preordain]

[ ryo thinks about all of the times that akira had wanted to transform while here but couldn't. ]

It's sometimes difficult to realize how much of a loss something is until it's gone.

[ akira hasn't actually been devilman too long, when you think about his overall time on earth. but the short amount of time has been life changing enough that it might as well have been decades. ]

And you are the kind of person who would try to turn it into something that can help.

[ was ryo always happy about this part of akira? no. it frustrated them more often than not. but at this point all they can really do is accept it. ]

[tearduct]

[This feels as pointed as the earlier comment about things not working out when hopes are up. He lifts his head again to look at Ryo.]

I feel like I've failed the one person Devilman was supposed to really help when he was created. I'm sorry, Ryo. That I'm human.

[preordain]

[ akira don't apologize for this. ryo is not thinking this, francy is. ryo is an asshole. ]

We're not talking about that right now, Akira. I just mean that... I think I understand, even if it's not the same exact situation.

[ ryo can't really say that they relate because of not being able to access satan powers, since they only recently remembered even being satan. can't really miss something when you didn't realize it was a thing. ]

[tearduct]

[STOP

The response surprises him a little, and he shuts up for a long time. His grip on Ryo's hand softens in the way his expression won't exactly in this form.]

You're changing. [A little.] Into the Ryo I knew you always were.

[preordain]

[ they frown a little at that. not that they entirely disagree, exactly. but learning that akira does die directly from ryo's choices did force them to stop and re-examine their actions. they still don't think they were wrong (lol), but it did help them look at things more clearly. why their plans failed. why they might keep failing. the people here who understand. their own feelings.

admittedly, they wish they never had this realization at all because all it did was give them heartbreak and depression after they spent their whole life ignoring emotions. ]

I don't know.

[tearduct]

[He hangs there in the air, quiet except for the beating of his wings. He watches Ryo, not letting go.]

Tell me how you feel. [He knows Ryo will reject him if Ryo doesn't want to talk about it.] It's okay to feel those things.

It's okay to let them out.

[preordain]

[ akira we were just talking about your feelings i hate you

ryo is quiet for a moment, trying to formulate their thoughts. the problem with realizing that feelings exist is still not being very great at processing them properly. ]

I can't really see how I've changed. I still think the same way I did before, and believe in a lot of the same things. There's just something... else now, in the middle of all that.

[tearduct]

[:pensive:

This is good enough for him actually. He isn't going to force Ryo to have some kind of wild adventure with feelings.]

Yeah. That happens. I just want you to know... that's okay. For them to be there. If you ever feel confused or lost, you should stop [he reaches up to gently tap a claw on ryo's forehead] thinking for a bit and listen to the thing in the middle.

[He taps after in the middle of Ryo's chest. Heart.]

[preordain]

[ in the middle of ryo's boobs......

ryo glances down at akira's hand, and then looks back up at his face. ]

That'll probably make it more confusing. [ ... ] Is that how you always figure things out?

[tearduct]

[STOP. Yeah.

This is terrible advice to Ryo who only Thinks and does not Feel, unlike SOMEONE else. Confusing. Ryo is correct (in a me voice).]

I guess... most of the time. I listen to what my heart says. Sometimes... it conflicts. What you think and what it tells you.

[preordain]

[ this sounds exhausting, how does akira live like this (by being very emotional and crying a lot). ]

And how do you deal with that all the time...?

[tearduct]

I don't know... I just do.

[Ryo is so funny, running into the human-like limitations of emotions.]

I cry.

[He'll just say it.]

[preordain]

[ ryo, facing something that normal people deal with every day: what the FUCK is this shit

but okay, that makes ryo laugh faintly. they raise a hand and place it on akira's cheek. ]

You definitely do.

[ everyone noticed.... ]

[tearduct]

[He closes his eyes, resting his face against the hand.]

It helps.

[For the record. He opens his eyes again.]

You're going to stay here, Ryo?

[preordain]

[ ryo blinks, and then nods. ]

I don't see an alternative. If I go back exactly where I left off, God is going to attack. Even if I go back earlier, God will still eventually attack even if it's not at that exact time. I can't defeat God without the demons, but using the demons will alert God more quickly.

[ so, basically. they actually need some kind of plan on how to do this and they aren't sure if they will be able to think of something that will work before the weekend. ]

[tearduct]

[Hm. It's hard to tell what this means to Akira because his face doesn't exactly make a lot of changes currently, not really. He does not let go of Ryo's hand, though.]

Kaoru is going to get old and die one day, [he says reluctantly.] Like I would have. I'm going to have to watch that happen.

[Maybe. Being Devilman... if he isn't living at least a much longer lifespan than normal, he'll definitely be immortal in some fashion. He hadn't really thought about it until mentioning it to Ryo about how he would have died one day himself.]

[preordain]

[ ryo internally is like, "i don't want to hear about your stupid ass relationship i'm homophobic" but their expression is still neutral. ]

... most likely, yes. Your lifespan is no longer a human's.

[ that's gonna be awk in 60 years, ryo supposes ]

[tearduct]

[Ryo is so funny. GIVING KAORU 77 YEARS TO LIVE ONLY. The gay lifespan.]

So if I do go somewhere, no matter where it is, I'll probably be coming back.

[He doesn't know shit about what the future holds. Maybe they will simply all be stuck here anyway which would be funny. He finds he does not have much of a problem with that actually. It had always been his plan before.

However, if he does leave for whatever reason, there isn't any point in staying after that.]