akira

[preordain]

Comments

[preordain]

No, I'm pretty sure that she was actually there. But there was also probably a third person who was actually behind the kill.

[ he looks down at him. ]

Some kind of manipulation? Tuuri was the one who did the blow, possibly, but maybe someone had used an item on her? And that could be why she wasn't guilty, because she might have been considered just a tool instead of the killer.

[tearduct]

[He turns his head a bit to glance at Ryo, still frowning.]

Do you think it was Zel, or someone else...? Who would kill Kon, then blame Tuuri...?

[preordain]

I'm pretty sure it wasn't Zelgadis. I believe him that he cares about her, and it would be stupid to risk getting voted for by pretending to be the concerned boyfriend.

[ ... ]

I do have to think it was on purpose, since it's too well thought out to be an accidental kill. So, someone who doesn't care about either of them?

[tearduct]

[He sighs heavily and looks at the sky again.]

Someone who fit a bigger outfit...?

[preordain]

Probably, yeah.

[ he rubs his temple. ]

I should have just voted for Itto.

[tearduct]

Ryo.

[It's supposed to be scolding, but there's no venom behind it.]

I must have missed something or someone when checking. Unless they didn't have anything.

[preordain]

Akira, we can spend all day trying to figure out what we missed. That's the thing about missing someone-- we don't know what direction we're supposed to look at.

[ he points at himself. ]

I questioned her, and I didn't think to examine the holes in the story more carefully. Because I thought she did it. So, I also missed something. We really can go all day like this.

[tearduct]

[He turns his head a bit in the opposite direction, lips thinning.]

I was just so sure... But we were wrong.

[preordain]

[ ...

he will reach over to place a hand on akira's arm and give it a squeeze. it's very quick and he returns his hand to his own side right after. like two seconds. ]

We'll just have to live with being wrong, Akira.

[tearduct]

[The touch makes him look back at Ryo slowly, look over Ryo's face. He opens his mouth... but shuts it after.

He glances down at his arm, then up at the sky again.]

We stole her chance from her. She won't get it.

[preordain]

We didn't steal anything, Akira. The person who was actually behind it did.

[ and he really doubts that was an accident. ]

But I guess just hearing that won't make you feel any differently about it.

[ apparently, guilt is an emotion that is hard to get rid of. ]

[tearduct]

[Ryo is right, and he knows Ryo is right, but he hates not accepting some of the blame when he voted the way he did. When he's been voting for the people they find all along because he's too worried about voting for someone else.

And this was maybe why, even if they all had assumed.]

I wish I could be like you, Ryo, [he says absently.] I'm tired of feeling everything.

[preordain]

No you don't.

[ he turns his gaze to the horizon. ]

You would hate being like me.

[tearduct]

Maybe I'd be able to understand.

[But this is all he says.]

[preordain]

[ he just shakes his head. ]

I wouldn't want you to be like me.

[tearduct]

[He glances at Ryo without moving his head. He just watches Ryo watch the horizon...]

Why not?

[preordain]

Because then you wouldn't be you, obviously.

[ there is a lot of things about akira that frustrates ryo so very terribly, but. he didn't press that button, all those weeks ago. ryo wouldn't want to ruin him so entirely that there's nothing of akira left. ]

What use is there for there being someone else like me?

[tearduct]

[Well, he didn't push the button for similar reasons. So this much he understands.]

You wouldn't be alone? Maybe... if I'm you, then you could be me.

[Like, hypothetical fantasy here. If they switched.]

[preordain]

Why are you getting the worse deal here...?

[ help.

he goes to stand up. he's not like... leaving, but he does rock on his heels a bit. ]

I don't know. Maybe if that happens, things would be okay.

[tearduct]

Am I...?

[???

He sits up almost out of reflex, but then... that's as far as he goes. He watches Ryo.]

Are you leaving?

[preordain]

I do need to make sure Itto doesn't actually steal my bed.

[ the chances of someone being shot is so high.

instead, he just looks at akira. ]

But I do want to say something before I do that. I've been thinking about the last thing you said to me the other day, and some of it was bullshit. You said I never touch or hold you, but I did. All the time. Just because someone else might do it more, doesn't mean I never did. And you said that killing God is the most important thing to me. You're wrong, and I know you'll never believe this, and I'll have to live with that. God terrifies me, Akira. I can't explain that kind of fear without you meeting God yourself.

[ the idea of making the ultimate being hate you so much and that the only way to end it is by killing god. such an impossible feat. ]

But then I was faced with something even more terrifying. It was the realization that you don't actually need me at all. [ it was very funny, since just a few days ago ryo very confidently said he was finally secure in what their relationship was. ] You'll be fine without me, even if you might be sad for a little while.

[ he takes a few steps back. ]

I suppose my point is, I can concede that my love isn't what you want. But never try to tell me that it is less than it is. Goodbye, Akira.

[tearduct]

[Honestly, he looks like he's been slapped, and he sits there stupidly while Ryo rips into him. There is so much he wants to clarify here, but Ryo is already leaving.]

Ryo--

[He twists, scrambling to his feet. He only takes one hesitant step forward.]

Ryo, wait!

[preordain]

[ he really does not want to stop.

unfortunately, he still does. ryo doesn't look back, but he hovers uncertainly in place. ]

Hm?

[tearduct]

[If he says anything else, he thinks... it might start another of their many arguments. If he tries to clarify the details, they'll just argue again, drifting further apart.

So instead, he says,] I do need you, Ryo, [in the most earnest way.]

I do need you! No one else understands what I am. No one else knows what it was like where we came from. You're the only one who really understands.

[preordain]

[ ughhh. he really wishes this was a problem that would be easily solved by just shooting it. why can't everything be settled by violence.

ryo rubs at his face, tired. ]

Okay. I need you, too.

[ sometimes you need someone so much that your ultimate punishment is simply losing them again and again. ]