[He was out here assuming it was both things and, wow, he was right. Slowly, he lies back on the dock beside Ryo, folding his hands on the jacket over his stomach.]
You are my best friend. Gideon... is a good friend, but... I don't know. I was trying to be nice to her. You as my best friend is different from her. I've known you all my life almost. I've only known her for a few months.
I asked Alex about what you told me before. The option to no longer exist. She said it's something Wednesday has to figure out at her home, so she isn't sure if or when it would be possible.
[ he just stares at him. ryo was the one who suggested doing it tonight, but he wasn't really prepared to do it now. he opens his mouth, and closes it, still just staring. ]
[Ryo had been so adamant and so hopeless, he just assumed Ryo wanted to get it over with as fast as possible. So many of their problems come from miscommunication.
He isn't sure what else to say exactly.]
You are my best friend. I'll miss you, and I won't forget you.
[ wow he really should have just quietly fucked off. ryo prefers to think things through logically and clearly, without letting emotions get involved in the decisions.
but it's one thing to say something and then another thing altogether to go and do it. he's realizing he is not ready at all, actually. ]
[There is probably never a doomed timeline where they are not best friends. For all of it, for some of it. He doesn't try to change Ryo's mind anymore, like before. That God might not do anything somewhere else, that it's still worth it to exist, that maybe he could have his own island in the middle of nowhere and not have to deal with anything but visits from him.
But he understands, in his weird empathetic way. That Ryo is hurting, that it'd hurt Ryo.
He is so reluctant to turn away, but when he finally does, it's very quick because the tears spill over. The emotion rolls through him like the wave off a tsunami, and his body starts twisting and changing under it. His wail turns into a forlorn growl as he takes the first few steps over the dock.]
why does this hurt so much? it's even worse than before. every time ryo thinks it it can't hurt more, the ache just grows into something all consuming. he claws at his chest, wishing that he could just tear this thing out.
he hears the sound of akira's cries, and of his transformation. it's only when he hearts actual footsteps that he turns around again, a little wildly. he drops the jacket. ]
[It's a struggle to get down the dock. He clutches his head the whole way, swaying unsteadily as he goes, his clawed feet leaving scratches behind. The tail drags along on the ground. He thinks if he doesn't look back, he won't get turned to stone. That Ryo will hurt a little less.
Except there is not really a mean bone in his body. When they had fought, he was stubborn and without any of the hope he had before. It was the only option he thought he had.
At the end of the dock, he stops. The wings fold behind his shoulders. He turns to look back at Ryo, face as disastrous as expected.]
ryo scrambles to his feet, more clumsily than he'd like but this entire day hasn't gone the way he'd like. the entire eight weeks haven't. it's only really been disappointment after disappointment, and it doesn't really seem like it will ever end.
is this punishment? is it god reaching even here, to tell him that all is forever doomed?
he's on his feet. he hesitates now, unsure, but ryo eventually takes a few steps forward before stopping. ]
[He just looks at Ryo, wondering if maybe he should keep going. In a way, everything seems to stack up for him being the problem. Somehow, he is always the one causing Ryo a lot of grief, he thinks.]
I can’t.
[He really expected this to go differently. Like, maybe they would hug, and say kind things, and come to an understanding. When has that ever been a thing for them.]
[ he really should have just let akira leave because he doesn't know what to do here. there is so much distance that it's unbearable, and it's not even just the physical kind. ]
I wanted to be with you. [ not in sixty years when there's no one else left, or on short visits. ] I love you.
[ as a friend, as a lover, as something a little more twisted and codependent. it's not the first time ryo has said this to him but it seems like it'll probably be the last. he can't really bring himself to move forward in fear that he won't ever actually reach him. ]
[He stands there with the tears pouring over; it doesn’t feel like they’re going to stop. The jagged edge of whatever is coming into him is so painful and raw, amplified over his own terrible feelings.
Ryo doesn’t move, and the lack of it feels like every other time he has wanted the confirmation there was a reason to move for him. The whole discord of trying to use his brain instead of his heart to look at how Ryo was as a person, trying to offer Ryo the baton for it to fall onto the ground.
Maybe that was his downfall. He didn’t do what he said. He didn’t listen to his heart about Ryo at first.
How did they get here? he wonders. What did he do wrong to get them here at this agonizing place when he has only ever told anyone else he wanted Ryo to be happy, and then they told him he should be happy too.]
I’m where you put me, Ryo.
[It isn’t a blame exactly, just a statement. He is here at the end if the dock because Ryo kept closing him off again and again in some unintentional way.]
I kept trying to reach you, and you would step back more and more. [Ryo wanted him to follow, but he wanted Ryo to meet him halfway.] I waited on you… I waited for you to give me back what I gave you, but I never saw it.
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[But his shoulders rise and fall as he sighs.]
Okay. I get it.
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Sorry. I couldn't even manage it today, so...
[ they were so pda-y how did no one notice ]
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Sorry. [Honestly? IT'S FAIR.] Is that why you were mad at me?
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[ the only reason he wasn't mad when it happened was because he was cursed. help. ]
It's the only thing I have of you. So it hurt that it wasn't something that was just mine.
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You are my best friend. Gideon... is a good friend, but... I don't know. I was trying to be nice to her. You as my best friend is different from her. I've known you all my life almost. I've only known her for a few months.
You'll always be my best friend.
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[ god he really wishes he could believe this.
he goes quiet for a moment. ]
I asked Alex about what you told me before. The option to no longer exist. She said it's something Wednesday has to figure out at her home, so she isn't sure if or when it would be possible.
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He closes his eyes immediately and bites his lower lip. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, and when he does, his voice is a little croaky.]
Yeah, that's what Wednesday said. That she'd try to find a way.
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[ other people are probably having normal, congratulatory conversations right now.
he sits up. ]
It would probably be for the best.
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I really don't want that for you, Ryo. I want you to exist. But... I can't force you.
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So. We should say goodbye, then.
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[It takes him some time, but he finally, slowly, sits up.]
Can't we do it tomorrow? Or... do you not want to see me tomorrow?
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[ truly the only thing stopping him from fucking off tonight is because he does want to at least stick around for the results. ]
And I don't know how soon you'll all have to leave.
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He removes the jacket and hands it to Ryo, not exactly concerned about being naked even if it's awkward. He keeps his eyes down.]
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ryo just looks up at him, waiting to see what exactly is he. doing. ]
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Goodbye then, Ryo.
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... goodbye?
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He isn't sure what else to say exactly.]
You are my best friend. I'll miss you, and I won't forget you.
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but it's one thing to say something and then another thing altogether to go and do it. he's realizing he is not ready at all, actually. ]
You are my best friend, too. [ ... ] Forever.
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[There is probably never a doomed timeline where they are not best friends. For all of it, for some of it. He doesn't try to change Ryo's mind anymore, like before. That God might not do anything somewhere else, that it's still worth it to exist, that maybe he could have his own island in the middle of nowhere and not have to deal with anything but visits from him.
But he understands, in his weird empathetic way. That Ryo is hurting, that it'd hurt Ryo.
He is so reluctant to turn away, but when he finally does, it's very quick because the tears spill over. The emotion rolls through him like the wave off a tsunami, and his body starts twisting and changing under it. His wail turns into a forlorn growl as he takes the first few steps over the dock.]
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why does this hurt so much? it's even worse than before. every time ryo thinks it it can't hurt more, the ache just grows into something all consuming. he claws at his chest, wishing that he could just tear this thing out.
he hears the sound of akira's cries, and of his transformation. it's only when he hearts actual footsteps that he turns around again, a little wildly. he drops the jacket. ]
A...
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Except there is not really a mean bone in his body. When they had fought, he was stubborn and without any of the hope he had before. It was the only option he thought he had.
At the end of the dock, he stops. The wings fold behind his shoulders. He turns to look back at Ryo, face as disastrous as expected.]
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ryo scrambles to his feet, more clumsily than he'd like but this entire day hasn't gone the way he'd like. the entire eight weeks haven't. it's only really been disappointment after disappointment, and it doesn't really seem like it will ever end.
is this punishment? is it god reaching even here, to tell him that all is forever doomed?
he's on his feet. he hesitates now, unsure, but ryo eventually takes a few steps forward before stopping. ]
Stop crying.
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I can’t.
[He really expected this to go differently. Like, maybe they would hug, and say kind things, and come to an understanding. When has that ever been a thing for them.]
I’m not the one crying.
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I wanted to be with you. [ not in sixty years when there's no one else left, or on short visits. ] I love you.
[ as a friend, as a lover, as something a little more twisted and codependent. it's not the first time ryo has said this to him but it seems like it'll probably be the last. he can't really bring himself to move forward in fear that he won't ever actually reach him. ]
You're so far away, Akira.
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Ryo doesn’t move, and the lack of it feels like every other time he has wanted the confirmation there was a reason to move for him. The whole discord of trying to use his brain instead of his heart to look at how Ryo was as a person, trying to offer Ryo the baton for it to fall onto the ground.
Maybe that was his downfall. He didn’t do what he said. He didn’t listen to his heart about Ryo at first.
How did they get here? he wonders. What did he do wrong to get them here at this agonizing place when he has only ever told anyone else he wanted Ryo to be happy, and then they told him he should be happy too.]
I’m where you put me, Ryo.
[It isn’t a blame exactly, just a statement. He is here at the end if the dock because Ryo kept closing him off again and again in some unintentional way.]
I kept trying to reach you, and you would step back more and more. [Ryo wanted him to follow, but he wanted Ryo to meet him halfway.] I waited on you… I waited for you to give me back what I gave you, but I never saw it.
You were always so far away from me, Ryo.
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