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[ wow!!
well, ryo probably leaves before the discussion winds down fully since it does not actually affect him. but he will return to the good ol' spot on the dock. his feet are dangling over the edge of it and he will be there for a while. ]
well, ryo probably leaves before the discussion winds down fully since it does not actually affect him. but he will return to the good ol' spot on the dock. his feet are dangling over the edge of it and he will be there for a while. ]
[He was out here assuming it was both things and, wow, he was right. Slowly, he lies back on the dock beside Ryo, folding his hands on the jacket over his stomach.]
You are my best friend. Gideon... is a good friend, but... I don't know. I was trying to be nice to her. You as my best friend is different from her. I've known you all my life almost. I've only known her for a few months.
You'll always be my best friend.
You are my best friend. Gideon... is a good friend, but... I don't know. I was trying to be nice to her. You as my best friend is different from her. I've known you all my life almost. I've only known her for a few months.
You'll always be my best friend.
... okay.
[ god he really wishes he could believe this.
he goes quiet for a moment. ]
I asked Alex about what you told me before. The option to no longer exist. She said it's something Wednesday has to figure out at her home, so she isn't sure if or when it would be possible.
[ god he really wishes he could believe this.
he goes quiet for a moment. ]
I asked Alex about what you told me before. The option to no longer exist. She said it's something Wednesday has to figure out at her home, so she isn't sure if or when it would be possible.
[Damb, believe him... Ryo, your distrust.
He closes his eyes immediately and bites his lower lip. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, and when he does, his voice is a little croaky.]
Yeah, that's what Wednesday said. That she'd try to find a way.
He closes his eyes immediately and bites his lower lip. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, and when he does, his voice is a little croaky.]
Yeah, that's what Wednesday said. That she'd try to find a way.
[Ryo had been so adamant and so hopeless, he just assumed Ryo wanted to get it over with as fast as possible. So many of their problems come from miscommunication.
He isn't sure what else to say exactly.]
You are my best friend. I'll miss you, and I won't forget you.
He isn't sure what else to say exactly.]
You are my best friend. I'll miss you, and I won't forget you.
[ wow he really should have just quietly fucked off. ryo prefers to think things through logically and clearly, without letting emotions get involved in the decisions.
but it's one thing to say something and then another thing altogether to go and do it. he's realizing he is not ready at all, actually. ]
You are my best friend, too. [ ... ] Forever.
but it's one thing to say something and then another thing altogether to go and do it. he's realizing he is not ready at all, actually. ]
You are my best friend, too. [ ... ] Forever.
Forever.
[There is probably never a doomed timeline where they are not best friends. For all of it, for some of it. He doesn't try to change Ryo's mind anymore, like before. That God might not do anything somewhere else, that it's still worth it to exist, that maybe he could have his own island in the middle of nowhere and not have to deal with anything but visits from him.
But he understands, in his weird empathetic way. That Ryo is hurting, that it'd hurt Ryo.
He is so reluctant to turn away, but when he finally does, it's very quick because the tears spill over. The emotion rolls through him like the wave off a tsunami, and his body starts twisting and changing under it. His wail turns into a forlorn growl as he takes the first few steps over the dock.]
[There is probably never a doomed timeline where they are not best friends. For all of it, for some of it. He doesn't try to change Ryo's mind anymore, like before. That God might not do anything somewhere else, that it's still worth it to exist, that maybe he could have his own island in the middle of nowhere and not have to deal with anything but visits from him.
But he understands, in his weird empathetic way. That Ryo is hurting, that it'd hurt Ryo.
He is so reluctant to turn away, but when he finally does, it's very quick because the tears spill over. The emotion rolls through him like the wave off a tsunami, and his body starts twisting and changing under it. His wail turns into a forlorn growl as he takes the first few steps over the dock.]
[ he turns away.
why does this hurt so much? it's even worse than before. every time ryo thinks it it can't hurt more, the ache just grows into something all consuming. he claws at his chest, wishing that he could just tear this thing out.
he hears the sound of akira's cries, and of his transformation. it's only when he hearts actual footsteps that he turns around again, a little wildly. he drops the jacket. ]
A...
why does this hurt so much? it's even worse than before. every time ryo thinks it it can't hurt more, the ache just grows into something all consuming. he claws at his chest, wishing that he could just tear this thing out.
he hears the sound of akira's cries, and of his transformation. it's only when he hearts actual footsteps that he turns around again, a little wildly. he drops the jacket. ]
A...
[It's a struggle to get down the dock. He clutches his head the whole way, swaying unsteadily as he goes, his clawed feet leaving scratches behind. The tail drags along on the ground. He thinks if he doesn't look back, he won't get turned to stone. That Ryo will hurt a little less.
Except there is not really a mean bone in his body. When they had fought, he was stubborn and without any of the hope he had before. It was the only option he thought he had.
At the end of the dock, he stops. The wings fold behind his shoulders. He turns to look back at Ryo, face as disastrous as expected.]
Except there is not really a mean bone in his body. When they had fought, he was stubborn and without any of the hope he had before. It was the only option he thought he had.
At the end of the dock, he stops. The wings fold behind his shoulders. He turns to look back at Ryo, face as disastrous as expected.]
[ oh he can't do this
ryo scrambles to his feet, more clumsily than he'd like but this entire day hasn't gone the way he'd like. the entire eight weeks haven't. it's only really been disappointment after disappointment, and it doesn't really seem like it will ever end.
is this punishment? is it god reaching even here, to tell him that all is forever doomed?
he's on his feet. he hesitates now, unsure, but ryo eventually takes a few steps forward before stopping. ]
Stop crying.
ryo scrambles to his feet, more clumsily than he'd like but this entire day hasn't gone the way he'd like. the entire eight weeks haven't. it's only really been disappointment after disappointment, and it doesn't really seem like it will ever end.
is this punishment? is it god reaching even here, to tell him that all is forever doomed?
he's on his feet. he hesitates now, unsure, but ryo eventually takes a few steps forward before stopping. ]
Stop crying.
[He just looks at Ryo, wondering if maybe he should keep going. In a way, everything seems to stack up for him being the problem. Somehow, he is always the one causing Ryo a lot of grief, he thinks.]
I can’t.
[He really expected this to go differently. Like, maybe they would hug, and say kind things, and come to an understanding. When has that ever been a thing for them.]
I’m not the one crying.
I can’t.
[He really expected this to go differently. Like, maybe they would hug, and say kind things, and come to an understanding. When has that ever been a thing for them.]
I’m not the one crying.
[ he really should have just let akira leave because he doesn't know what to do here. there is so much distance that it's unbearable, and it's not even just the physical kind. ]
I wanted to be with you. [ not in sixty years when there's no one else left, or on short visits. ] I love you.
[ as a friend, as a lover, as something a little more twisted and codependent. it's not the first time ryo has said this to him but it seems like it'll probably be the last. he can't really bring himself to move forward in fear that he won't ever actually reach him. ]
You're so far away, Akira.
I wanted to be with you. [ not in sixty years when there's no one else left, or on short visits. ] I love you.
[ as a friend, as a lover, as something a little more twisted and codependent. it's not the first time ryo has said this to him but it seems like it'll probably be the last. he can't really bring himself to move forward in fear that he won't ever actually reach him. ]
You're so far away, Akira.
[He stands there with the tears pouring over; it doesn’t feel like they’re going to stop. The jagged edge of whatever is coming into him is so painful and raw, amplified over his own terrible feelings.
Ryo doesn’t move, and the lack of it feels like every other time he has wanted the confirmation there was a reason to move for him. The whole discord of trying to use his brain instead of his heart to look at how Ryo was as a person, trying to offer Ryo the baton for it to fall onto the ground.
Maybe that was his downfall. He didn’t do what he said. He didn’t listen to his heart about Ryo at first.
How did they get here? he wonders. What did he do wrong to get them here at this agonizing place when he has only ever told anyone else he wanted Ryo to be happy, and then they told him he should be happy too.]
I’m where you put me, Ryo.
[It isn’t a blame exactly, just a statement. He is here at the end if the dock because Ryo kept closing him off again and again in some unintentional way.]
I kept trying to reach you, and you would step back more and more. [Ryo wanted him to follow, but he wanted Ryo to meet him halfway.] I waited on you… I waited for you to give me back what I gave you, but I never saw it.
You were always so far away from me, Ryo.
Ryo doesn’t move, and the lack of it feels like every other time he has wanted the confirmation there was a reason to move for him. The whole discord of trying to use his brain instead of his heart to look at how Ryo was as a person, trying to offer Ryo the baton for it to fall onto the ground.
Maybe that was his downfall. He didn’t do what he said. He didn’t listen to his heart about Ryo at first.
How did they get here? he wonders. What did he do wrong to get them here at this agonizing place when he has only ever told anyone else he wanted Ryo to be happy, and then they told him he should be happy too.]
I’m where you put me, Ryo.
[It isn’t a blame exactly, just a statement. He is here at the end if the dock because Ryo kept closing him off again and again in some unintentional way.]
I kept trying to reach you, and you would step back more and more. [Ryo wanted him to follow, but he wanted Ryo to meet him halfway.] I waited on you… I waited for you to give me back what I gave you, but I never saw it.
You were always so far away from me, Ryo.
[ he wants to argue against it. it's what they usually do, argue against each other's viewpoints until they hit a wall and decide to push it to another time. and they kept doing it again and again, and ryo realizes that they've only just pushed themselves to the edge of a cliff.
he wishes god was here to just end it. ]
I... [ how does he respond to that? his mouth closes again, as he struggles to find any kind of rebuttal, any last saving grace he might have here. but there's nothing. ] Akira--
[ "and i doubt he'd go anywhere without you."
but he is. not just physically, to a faraway place, but on the inside too. ryo has been so stuck in one spot, too stubborn to move and scared of all the changes around them. but akira changed and changed, because he's a human and that's what they do-- grow along with the people around them. that's what humanity is. a collective of experiences that help you turn into something new.
it's a little dazzling to see. it only destroys ryo a little more. ]
I tried. It just wasn't enough.
[ he looks to the ground. there was growth, such very confusing growth, but he wasn't able to catch up. you can't run along someone if they're already at the finish line by the time you start moving. ]
I hope you'll be happy.
he wishes god was here to just end it. ]
I... [ how does he respond to that? his mouth closes again, as he struggles to find any kind of rebuttal, any last saving grace he might have here. but there's nothing. ] Akira--
[ "and i doubt he'd go anywhere without you."
but he is. not just physically, to a faraway place, but on the inside too. ryo has been so stuck in one spot, too stubborn to move and scared of all the changes around them. but akira changed and changed, because he's a human and that's what they do-- grow along with the people around them. that's what humanity is. a collective of experiences that help you turn into something new.
it's a little dazzling to see. it only destroys ryo a little more. ]
I tried. It just wasn't enough.
[ he looks to the ground. there was growth, such very confusing growth, but he wasn't able to catch up. you can't run along someone if they're already at the finish line by the time you start moving. ]
I hope you'll be happy.
[He turns away, but doesn’t move forward. The idea that Ryo doesn’t want to see him tomorrow, which lead to this whole terrible thing now, roots him to the spot. It’s the end.
They’re together on a broken piece of nothing left under the stars, and it’s the end.
He’s human enough to just finally accept the fact Ryo didn’t come to him, but he is too human to not do what it is in his nature to do. To care about people.
The claws of his feet creak the dock as he turns and heads back to Ryo, slow and steady. When he gets to Ryo, he dwarfs him considerably, so he crouches down in front. Ryo’s shoulders are swallowed up in two large, clawed hands, and he pulls Ryo into his stomach and his chest. If he wanted, he could snap Ryo like a branch so easily, but his hold is so tender.]
If you can find a reason to keep existing so I’ll always know you aren’t gone from my heart for good, I’ll be happy.
They’re together on a broken piece of nothing left under the stars, and it’s the end.
He’s human enough to just finally accept the fact Ryo didn’t come to him, but he is too human to not do what it is in his nature to do. To care about people.
The claws of his feet creak the dock as he turns and heads back to Ryo, slow and steady. When he gets to Ryo, he dwarfs him considerably, so he crouches down in front. Ryo’s shoulders are swallowed up in two large, clawed hands, and he pulls Ryo into his stomach and his chest. If he wanted, he could snap Ryo like a branch so easily, but his hold is so tender.]
If you can find a reason to keep existing so I’ll always know you aren’t gone from my heart for good, I’ll be happy.
[ he's a little stunned that akira came back. but of course he did. he's akira.
ryo holds onto him, but his grip isn't soft. he digs in as tightly as he can, like he's scared that if he loosens it even a little that akira will simply disappear in front of him. he will disappear. a surge of panic hits ryo, and all he wants to do is go back. please let them go back. please let them do this over. please, please--
but they can't. he can feel water forming at his eyes and, this time, he isn't as confused about what they are. ]
Just tell me to live. Please. Just demand it, Akira.
[ like ryo demanded so many things of him until it became too much for akira to bear. ]
ryo holds onto him, but his grip isn't soft. he digs in as tightly as he can, like he's scared that if he loosens it even a little that akira will simply disappear in front of him. he will disappear. a surge of panic hits ryo, and all he wants to do is go back. please let them go back. please let them do this over. please, please--
but they can't. he can feel water forming at his eyes and, this time, he isn't as confused about what they are. ]
Just tell me to live. Please. Just demand it, Akira.
[ like ryo demanded so many things of him until it became too much for akira to bear. ]
[It feels wrong, so he hesitates. It feels wrong to do such a thing to Ryo after he spent so much time here hearing from everyone else it was wrong. All the people who inadvertently slid the wedge between them, pointing out Ryo’s bad qualities when he struggled against how much his heart wanted to love Ryo.
He didn’t want to use his brain; he didn’t want to rationalize this sick and strange love in those boxes because he knew—he knows—Ryo isn’t human. That’s what he said every time. Ryo isn’t human! Ryo is not like them, or him! But they told him Ryo was wrong. They told him to live for himself, to not support someone else’s happiness like it was his own responsibility.
It feels ugly to force Ryo to live when Ryo is unhappy.
He tightens his hold, letting Ryo latch into him. The tears he had been crying earlier have stopped, dried up. They hadn’t been for him anyway. They never were.]
Live, Ryo, [he murmurs, being selfish for once and feeling guilty for it.] Please live. Keep living. For me.
I don’t want you to disappear. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to be how I left you on that rock. Alone.
He didn’t want to use his brain; he didn’t want to rationalize this sick and strange love in those boxes because he knew—he knows—Ryo isn’t human. That’s what he said every time. Ryo isn’t human! Ryo is not like them, or him! But they told him Ryo was wrong. They told him to live for himself, to not support someone else’s happiness like it was his own responsibility.
It feels ugly to force Ryo to live when Ryo is unhappy.
He tightens his hold, letting Ryo latch into him. The tears he had been crying earlier have stopped, dried up. They hadn’t been for him anyway. They never were.]
Live, Ryo, [he murmurs, being selfish for once and feeling guilty for it.] Please live. Keep living. For me.
I don’t want you to disappear. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to be how I left you on that rock. Alone.
[ akira might feel bad about it but it is, really, what ryo wants. he spent weeks unsure if akira hated him; and then a brief period where he thought that maybe he loved him back in the way he wanted, and then he never really felt sure about anything ever since.
a part of him had been hoping akira would have told him not to do it as soon as ryo brought it up. it was just another way to self-harm, he supposes, because akira has given up on arguing with him a long time ago. which is also ryo's fault for never budging.
he holds onto akira more tightly and sobs. ]
I won't. I'm sorry, I won't. [ his voice cracks ] Please be happy.
[ he tries to think if he ever gave akira that, at least. any small measure of happiness and he isn't sure, actually. it just makes him cry harder. ]
a part of him had been hoping akira would have told him not to do it as soon as ryo brought it up. it was just another way to self-harm, he supposes, because akira has given up on arguing with him a long time ago. which is also ryo's fault for never budging.
he holds onto akira more tightly and sobs. ]
I won't. I'm sorry, I won't. [ his voice cracks ] Please be happy.
[ he tries to think if he ever gave akira that, at least. any small measure of happiness and he isn't sure, actually. it just makes him cry harder. ]
[Every sliver of frustration and anger drains out of him immediately. He doesn’t think… Ryo has ever said these words to him. Sorry. He doesn’t think Ryo has ever told him sorry in a way like this.
It hurts him so badly. He wanted all of this so long ago, so much sooner. To know Ryo felt anything, to hear Ryo was sorry, to hear Ryo wanted him to be happy in a way that didn’t seem superficial. He wished he had known how real it actually was for Ryo sooner.
His arms encase Ryo tightly, and he curls Ryo up into his chest as he stands. He holds Ryo in his hands and arms while Ryo cries.
The emotions evaporate, and his body begins to change again: shrinking, losing the fur and claws and fangs, the wings. Until he is just Akira, still holding on, still supporting Ryo before the weight is a little much, and he sinks to the ground with them both.]
Thank you for always being with me, Ryo. Even when it seems like too much.
I never thanked you for all the things you did do for me.
It hurts him so badly. He wanted all of this so long ago, so much sooner. To know Ryo felt anything, to hear Ryo was sorry, to hear Ryo wanted him to be happy in a way that didn’t seem superficial. He wished he had known how real it actually was for Ryo sooner.
His arms encase Ryo tightly, and he curls Ryo up into his chest as he stands. He holds Ryo in his hands and arms while Ryo cries.
The emotions evaporate, and his body begins to change again: shrinking, losing the fur and claws and fangs, the wings. Until he is just Akira, still holding on, still supporting Ryo before the weight is a little much, and he sinks to the ground with them both.]
Thank you for always being with me, Ryo. Even when it seems like too much.
I never thanked you for all the things you did do for me.
[ ryo wonders why akira is thanking him for giving him trauma....
he doesn't react to the transformation, instead just shifting his hold so that it adapts to holding onto akira instead of devilman. he wonders how akira can do this all the time, crying. he doesn't think that he will be able to do this any more after this. but he probably won't have another reason to.
ryo doesn't respond right away, and only does after the tears subsides enough that his voice is less shaky. ]
You don't have to thank me for that.
[ where else would he be? ]
he doesn't react to the transformation, instead just shifting his hold so that it adapts to holding onto akira instead of devilman. he wonders how akira can do this all the time, crying. he doesn't think that he will be able to do this any more after this. but he probably won't have another reason to.
ryo doesn't respond right away, and only does after the tears subsides enough that his voice is less shaky. ]
You don't have to thank me for that.
[ where else would he be? ]
I do.
[He gently squeezes Ryo into him, something that is a pathetic attempt to be reassuring. Without shifting them, he reaches one hand back to put it on the side of Ryo's face, and he uses his thumb to try brushing the wetness off the cheek.]
I should have thanked you more, so you'd maybe understand. [How to be gracious and appreciative.] I should have reached for you more. I shouldn't have given up on trying.
[So he could show Ryo the kindness and strength of humans he touted about. So he wouldn't be yet another line in the tally of humans betraying things not human.]
[He gently squeezes Ryo into him, something that is a pathetic attempt to be reassuring. Without shifting them, he reaches one hand back to put it on the side of Ryo's face, and he uses his thumb to try brushing the wetness off the cheek.]
I should have thanked you more, so you'd maybe understand. [How to be gracious and appreciative.] I should have reached for you more. I shouldn't have given up on trying.
[So he could show Ryo the kindness and strength of humans he touted about. So he wouldn't be yet another line in the tally of humans betraying things not human.]
No one is that patient. I was a little late.
[ understatement of the century.
it's funny, sitting here at the end of it all and just thinking back at everything and trying to figure out what could have been done differently. there's a lot, but he has no idea that all of akira's friends were telling him that ryo was awful, and that probably added a time limit for change that would not have been there before.
he goes quiet for a moment. ]
You were the best friend anyone could have, Akira.
[ understatement of the century.
it's funny, sitting here at the end of it all and just thinking back at everything and trying to figure out what could have been done differently. there's a lot, but he has no idea that all of akira's friends were telling him that ryo was awful, and that probably added a time limit for change that would not have been there before.
he goes quiet for a moment. ]
You were the best friend anyone could have, Akira.
That's just because of who you are, like you said.
[So many people told him Ryo was awful which was both a hard pill to swallow and mean. He really didn't think they understood the difference, but he also couldn't deny some of Ryo's bad behaviors, some of the things they found out Ryo had done to him.]
I've been your only best friend, Ryo.
[Now isn't the time for any teasing, but it's slightly teasing. In a lot of things, Ryo had been his only frame of reference which was very funny. Now he has been Ryo's only frame of reference too.]
[So many people told him Ryo was awful which was both a hard pill to swallow and mean. He really didn't think they understood the difference, but he also couldn't deny some of Ryo's bad behaviors, some of the things they found out Ryo had done to him.]
I've been your only best friend, Ryo.
[Now isn't the time for any teasing, but it's slightly teasing. In a lot of things, Ryo had been his only frame of reference which was very funny. Now he has been Ryo's only frame of reference too.]
[ he scowls slightly. ]
That doesn't make it any less true.
[ mostly because if akira had never found ryo that day, ryo would probably be a far worse person than he is now. imagine a world where ryo asuka never learned what love is but was still satan.
his tears are drying up. he doesn't really have much of them, anyway. ]
I think... [ he pauses, trying to think of what to say. ] Do you know why I brought you to the Sabbath party?
That doesn't make it any less true.
[ mostly because if akira had never found ryo that day, ryo would probably be a far worse person than he is now. imagine a world where ryo asuka never learned what love is but was still satan.
his tears are drying up. he doesn't really have much of them, anyway. ]
I think... [ he pauses, trying to think of what to say. ] Do you know why I brought you to the Sabbath party?
[Don't scowl, please go back to crying. He does not want Ryo to cry at all, it hurts him, but he refuses the scowl. It's fine, he can't see it.]
To... have Amon possess me?
[It's funny, the reason he knows this isn't because he found out here. He still would have had no idea. But Ryo did tell him, as Satan, a reason it was done.]
...So I would survive the end of the world and be at your side.
[And now he has immense doubts about existing alongside normal people like Kaoru and Hikaru. Ryo has cursed him with a kind of immortality; taking it away would remove his strength, his body. He'd be the old Akira.
And the funny thing about the old Akira is Kaoru would have probably never paid any attention to him at first because of how he looked. But Ryo didn't care about things like that.]
To... have Amon possess me?
[It's funny, the reason he knows this isn't because he found out here. He still would have had no idea. But Ryo did tell him, as Satan, a reason it was done.]
...So I would survive the end of the world and be at your side.
[And now he has immense doubts about existing alongside normal people like Kaoru and Hikaru. Ryo has cursed him with a kind of immortality; taking it away would remove his strength, his body. He'd be the old Akira.
And the funny thing about the old Akira is Kaoru would have probably never paid any attention to him at first because of how he looked. But Ryo didn't care about things like that.]
Mm... But, you know, I didn't realize I was doing that at the time.
[ there are a lot of things that have never been clarified between them, and the mountain of misunderstandings and secrets might now never have a chance of becoming smaller. all the things that they said they would discuss later, and now here they are. it's later. it's as late as it ever will be.
but, ryo figures, there's one thing he can maybe try to clarify. ]
I didn't take you there with the intention to do that. Well-- I suppose I did. Me, as Satan. It was like a subconscious desire that I wasn't really aware was happening, until I looked back at it later on with some distance. So, I guess I just want to say that... I wasn't intentionally trying to trick you, Akira.
[ like. it was still his plan, but he was not aware it was his plan because sometimes your inner satan has ideas of their own that you are too amnesia'd to be aware of.
but since this is what started everything between them, the first step they took on the road to hell, ryo decides he want to explain. ]
[ there are a lot of things that have never been clarified between them, and the mountain of misunderstandings and secrets might now never have a chance of becoming smaller. all the things that they said they would discuss later, and now here they are. it's later. it's as late as it ever will be.
but, ryo figures, there's one thing he can maybe try to clarify. ]
I didn't take you there with the intention to do that. Well-- I suppose I did. Me, as Satan. It was like a subconscious desire that I wasn't really aware was happening, until I looked back at it later on with some distance. So, I guess I just want to say that... I wasn't intentionally trying to trick you, Akira.
[ like. it was still his plan, but he was not aware it was his plan because sometimes your inner satan has ideas of their own that you are too amnesia'd to be aware of.
but since this is what started everything between them, the first step they took on the road to hell, ryo decides he want to explain. ]
Edited (REDUNDANT AS HELL) 2023-04-03 04:44 (UTC)
I know.
[He would not have understood that if he was not from the place in time he came, after Ryo had explained things to him. If Ryo had not explained he didn't remember.] It's okay, [he murmurs. It should not be okay. He should really not accept this; however, out of anyone else, he is the one who understands how victimized Ryo has been by fate.]
I forgive you, Ryo.
[He probably should not do this either considering, but... again, he is the one person who knows about Ryo. Who is... empathetic enough to offer that maybe.]
[He would not have understood that if he was not from the place in time he came, after Ryo had explained things to him. If Ryo had not explained he didn't remember.] It's okay, [he murmurs. It should not be okay. He should really not accept this; however, out of anyone else, he is the one who understands how victimized Ryo has been by fate.]
I forgive you, Ryo.
[He probably should not do this either considering, but... again, he is the one person who knows about Ryo. Who is... empathetic enough to offer that maybe.]
You don't have to.
[ he is not really expecting forgiveness. but these are just thing they never talk about, and now they're likely never going to get to talk about them.
and, mostly, he wants to stall. once akira leaves that's likely it for them (ignores interdimensional travel). but there's only really so long they can sit here before akira will have to go and do something else. ]
I just wanted to say it.
[ he is not really expecting forgiveness. but these are just thing they never talk about, and now they're likely never going to get to talk about them.
and, mostly, he wants to stall. once akira leaves that's likely it for them (ignores interdimensional travel). but there's only really so long they can sit here before akira will have to go and do something else. ]
I just wanted to say it.
I want to.
[He does not say he has to because it's true, he does not have to forgive Ryo. But it feels like he is being held captive by his anger and frustration when, really, none of it matters for him anymore.
He leans back so he can look Ryo in the face even if he doesn't want to do that since it will make it harder to do any of this. His arms stay around Ryo's shoulders.]
Thanks for saying it.
[He does not say he has to because it's true, he does not have to forgive Ryo. But it feels like he is being held captive by his anger and frustration when, really, none of it matters for him anymore.
He leans back so he can look Ryo in the face even if he doesn't want to do that since it will make it harder to do any of this. His arms stay around Ryo's shoulders.]
Thanks for saying it.
[ his face probably still looks like shit because he was crying, but at least the tears stopped. at the very least, this will probably be the last time he cries, so that's good (for him). ]
Mm.
[ he still doesn't know what else to say. there's the growing need to be possessive and never let go, but he doesn't want to make akira mad. again. it's weird, since not wanting to upset akira is a generally new thing that concerns him when ryo as a person typically does not care who he upsets. things to have learned weeks ago. ]
... do you have to go?
[ he means, to go talk to other people, specifically ]
Mm.
[ he still doesn't know what else to say. there's the growing need to be possessive and never let go, but he doesn't want to make akira mad. again. it's weird, since not wanting to upset akira is a generally new thing that concerns him when ryo as a person typically does not care who he upsets. things to have learned weeks ago. ]
... do you have to go?
[ he means, to go talk to other people, specifically ]
[It does, but that's okay. Friends don't judge other friend's ugly crying face. He reaches up to put both hands on the side of Ryo's cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe at the wetness.
He opens his mouth, then closes it. He knows he should probably just leave, and he knows he thought this whole ordeal was because Ryo was wanting him to hurry up and say goodbye.]
I can stay for a little while. I thought... you wanted me to say goodbye and leave.
He opens his mouth, then closes it. He knows he should probably just leave, and he knows he thought this whole ordeal was because Ryo was wanting him to hurry up and say goodbye.]
I can stay for a little while. I thought... you wanted me to say goodbye and leave.
[DON'T LAUGH. His face gets kind of red, both because he's embarrassed and because, well, he can't just TURN OFF the part of his brain that is shocked when Ryo laughs and it isn't sardonically.]
Ryo. I didn't know...! I thought you were mad and wanted it over with...
Ryo. I didn't know...! I thought you were mad and wanted it over with...
[ no, this is so stupid and funny and also the worst thing in the world. they went through this hugely dramatic moment for no reason... he is so dead inside. ]
I'm not... mad. [ he was earlier over the best friend comment, but. he is willing to try to believe in akira's explanation. ] I think this is just heartbreak. That's what they call it, right?
But I'm not angry at you.
I'm not... mad. [ he was earlier over the best friend comment, but. he is willing to try to believe in akira's explanation. ] I think this is just heartbreak. That's what they call it, right?
But I'm not angry at you.
[yes that's how he got so much already]
Okay.
[There's actually a lot he wants to say, but it will just throw them into one of their circular arguments. So for once, he doesn't say anything for or against it. Instead, he says:]
I should probably find a blanket.
[when u ate from the tree of knowledge and so u are aware of ur nudity]
Okay.
[There's actually a lot he wants to say, but it will just throw them into one of their circular arguments. So for once, he doesn't say anything for or against it. Instead, he says:]
I should probably find a blanket.
[when u ate from the tree of knowledge and so u are aware of ur nudity]
[STOP!!!
This is so fucking embarrassing. He accepts the jacket for the second time and shrugs it up over his shoulders so he can cover himself. THEY REALLY HAD A DRAMATIC FIGHT WITH HIM NAKED THROUGH PART OF IT TOO. Wow, yeah, this pc is why.]
...Thanks.
This is so fucking embarrassing. He accepts the jacket for the second time and shrugs it up over his shoulders so he can cover himself. THEY REALLY HAD A DRAMATIC FIGHT WITH HIM NAKED THROUGH PART OF IT TOO. Wow, yeah, this pc is why.]
...Thanks.
[Why would you ask this, Ryo... He's stupid, but he's good at Feeling, so he absolutely understands this is a terrible question coming from Ryo.
So he hesitates even if his walk along with Ryo doesn't. He misses the silence almost.]
I don't know... [Which is earnest. He really isn't sure.] They said... they were in Boston last. So I guess I'd be in America.
So he hesitates even if his walk along with Ryo doesn't. He misses the silence almost.]
I don't know... [Which is earnest. He really isn't sure.] They said... they were in Boston last. So I guess I'd be in America.
[Akira doesn't even know fucking English.]
...I don't know. Maybe? I don't know if I'd be able to, or... I wouldn't know the language. I wouldn't have... anything.
[Like the paperwork, he means. He really is just some random guy with no paper trail out there in the world.]
If I gave you JD, Ryo... would you take care of him for me?
...I don't know. Maybe? I don't know if I'd be able to, or... I wouldn't know the language. I wouldn't have... anything.
[Like the paperwork, he means. He really is just some random guy with no paper trail out there in the world.]
If I gave you JD, Ryo... would you take care of him for me?
[Ooooooo, Ryo is soooo stupid. Because immediately, Akira kind of brightens at the agreement. THIS HAS REALLY MADE HIS DAY. Sorry for the dorky, weak smile.]
I do, but... I don't want to stress him out. And I don't even know if any places I'll stay will allow him.
[WAIT i forgot to show the baby]
I do, but... I don't want to stress him out. And I don't even know if any places I'll stay will allow him.
[WAIT i forgot to show the baby]
Edited 2023-04-06 19:41 (UTC)
You'll have to figure it out eventually though. You can't spend the entire time there without anything.
[ especially if he ever has to travel, or get a job, or just. anything. he frowns.
he doesn't comment on the loving the cat thing but he is not saying no, at least. ]
[ especially if he ever has to travel, or get a job, or just. anything. he frowns.
he doesn't comment on the loving the cat thing but he is not saying no, at least. ]
This is why you shouldn't go places without me...
[ it's muttered, and it doesn't come off as sad or resentful, but more like a parent scolding a child. ]
Just know it'll have to be taken care of at some point. Preferably sooner than later, so you're not entirely dependent on them.
[ it's muttered, and it doesn't come off as sad or resentful, but more like a parent scolding a child. ]
Just know it'll have to be taken care of at some point. Preferably sooner than later, so you're not entirely dependent on them.
[ he has to... think about it... ]
... I don't want to hear about him.
[ well. he's okay with casual mentions, like they've been doing for this conversation, but anything more in depth than that will drive him insane(r), probably. if akira suddenly announces their marriage then ryo is Giving Up. ]
... I don't want to hear about him.
[ well. he's okay with casual mentions, like they've been doing for this conversation, but anything more in depth than that will drive him insane(r), probably. if akira suddenly announces their marriage then ryo is Giving Up. ]
They would be boring updates.
[ ryo isn't sure how him being a hermit in hell would be interesting
well. he'll also likely be insane sometimes but those aren't the kind of updates that he would send to akira of all people. sometimes you have a singular somewhat moral(????) compass and you are separating from that compass so we'll see how that goes at first ]
[ ryo isn't sure how him being a hermit in hell would be interesting
well. he'll also likely be insane sometimes but those aren't the kind of updates that he would send to akira of all people. sometimes you have a singular somewhat moral(????) compass and you are separating from that compass so we'll see how that goes at first ]
[our paids......... i dont want to look at what meager icons i have left--THREE OF THEM ARE CHANDRA ONES NOOOOOOOOOO
THIS IS NOT WHAT HE MEANT AT ALL ALSO.]
You are. I just... [Ryo is as stupid as he is despite being a genius.] I'd like to know how you are from time to time.
THIS IS NOT WHAT HE MEANT AT ALL ALSO.]
You are. I just... [Ryo is as stupid as he is despite being a genius.] I'd like to know how you are from time to time.
[ he would like to argue that no, he is exactly the same, but he supposes that he can't considering he fucking cried earlier. ryo has just learned that he also has feelings and he hates all of them, actually. he already thought emotions were stupid and now he thinks they're more stupid. ]
I do have more guns than I started with.
I do have more guns than I started with.
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